Open Forum

I remember my first directorial attempt very well. I was the new teacher. The students did not trust me. I chose the typical blocking/tablework/memorization/ vocal exercise format of rehearsal. While I was open to blocking and oral interp by the actors, it was clear that mine was the final decision. At the end of the day, the cast created an excellent show, I earned their respect, and we moved on to rebuilding a program. 
It seems from what you say, that they did not respect your authority. Methinks that while that may be true, it was because they knew you had never done this before and did not trust your decisions. This was exacerbated by yielding important decisions to your students, so they felt as if they were "on their own". 
So, whether you feel confident in your skills or not, remember basic Magic Scoolbus teaching technique: take control, make decisions, make mistakes, get messy. Oh, and Show. No. Fear. Ever. Remember, your students don't know that you don't know.

------------------------------
JIm Gunn
Director of Theatre Arts
Madera High School
Madera CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

Hi, I'm sorry things have not turned out the way you wanted. I agree with the aforementioned sentiments that they do not know what you know- or the more aptly put- fake it until you make it. Although I'd directed before- when I took on my first musical it was daunting. However, I did not let that on to students at all. Otherwise, as you have likely learned- you've compromised your authority. Not to mention- I'm sure there was a teacher/ director before you? One thing I think most any theatre teacher can agree with is that drama kids are fiercely loyal to their directors. More than likely you've walked into a situation where they are already measuring you against their old director. They are comparing your logic, ideals, and thought processes. Even if yours are better- they will likely default to the loyalty they feel for the previous teacher. I know when I took on a new position I was VERY careful not to say anything negative about the previous teacher, and I asked them to let me know if they had different fundamental ideas about things. That way we could engage in a conversation not about why the previous teachers methods might have been bad or ineffective, but instead- about new methods simply add to the actor's arsenal in tackling a role or a show. That way I was never negating something they felt a fierce loyalty for- I was adding to their bag of tricks and breadth of knowledge. I have seen some other train wrecks happen when new teachers took over and their methodology was vastly different than that of their predecessors and instead of having a dialogue they assumed a "my way or the highway" philosophy that made students feel like they were enemies as opposed to a team. They will want to make you their enemy- it is teenage nature to test authority and see what they can get away with. Unfortunately for you, they are already a small mutinous army unified under the beliefs of their previous director. You have to work hard to get them to join your team. It should be expected that they are going to continue to test your authority.

I feel like it is worth mentioning that from a directing philosophy standpoint- it is NOT about what YOU want/ wish. It's about what best serves the show. If you present ideas that way it's hard to argue with because it's not about conflicting desires- it's about the story and what tells it the best. I always tell my performers that if I've directed them to do something that seems wrong in the moment to let me know. We then discuss it and nine times out of ten they see why I made that choice and why it makes sense. Sometimes though, their instincts are better and serve the show. The important aspect here is it is not an order, it's a creative process. An order can be violated, a process dictates logic and a dialogue (ergo, mutual respect). Keep in mind that the dialogue typically involves me allowing them to try what they'd prefer as part of the discussion. Usually, they'll do it and it will immediately feel wrong after we've had the discussion. This only works in rehearsal though- nothing beats out the ego-feeding mania of an audience's feedback. Audiences are not part of the process, and in HS- they love everything they see typically. Even if it is illogical.

Here's something I've always had to make peace with- part of the art of directing is the "letting go". Ultimately, the show goes up- and it belongs to the actors. Your hand in it is withdrawn. If you've done a good job there should be no sign you were ever there. It should all happen effortlessly- as if nothing could stop this reality from being. If you've done a great job- when things go wrong on stage (because they ALWAYS do) your actors are able to obey the reality of the scene and their characters and keep the story going without a hiccup. This, again; is because the focus has been on honoring the story and the world it creates above all else.

On another note- EVERYTHING that happens on stage doesn't have to come from the director. In fact, if your actors are making creative choices for their characters that are realistic, that is great. That means they are acting more like professionals than not. That makes your job WAY easier. You should encourage well thought out creative choices being made by your actors. Discourage "because it would be fun". If they think "it's better" and can articulate why- it's hard to argue with that.

Lastly, and here's the kicker- I'm not a screamer. I'm not a yeller. I'm just disappointed. Disappointment holds more power than anger or hurt. Especially if you've done a few shows and they've learned that you won't cast students who disappointed you in lead roles again because they haven't proven they can be trusted to respect the creative process. Right now they don't know what the results of their actions are. They don't know what will happen to them now that they've violated your trust. What I recommend you do is put on your steel panties and do NOT let them see you cry. I would recommend you give "After show" notes and address those moments in the play. Ask as calmly and flatly as you can why they chose to do those things. See what they have to say. Discuss the fact that it would have been more appropriate for them to have spoken to you before making changes. Discuss the fact that they have disappointed you greatly because you thought you could trust them to honor the production process and what would best serve the story. Discuss the fact that you'll have to keep in mind who is a team player and who is not when casting the next show. If they are seniors and are moving on/ won't care- it doesn't matter. This is how you build a sense of respect for your next show with those who remain. By demonstrating what the consequences of violating your trust will be. Don't be vindictive, don't be catty. Just be to the point. As for the costume kid, just state it was not part of the design scheme and that they should wear their assigned costume. Then, when no one else is around- hide the preferred costume until after show. I've had these sort of problems with shows we do in partnership with other schools- and rather than try and win a kid over who doesn't know me I simply remove the option.

I know this is a lot, I hope it helps.

------------------------------
Victoria Kesling Councill
Chapter Director - VA EdTA/ Virginia Thespians
Theatre Director- Fine & Performing Arts Department NKHS
Artistic Director - NKHS Trojan Theatre
Artistic Director - Kent England Exchange Production
Virginia Commonwealth University BFA Theatre Education, BFA Art Education '08
University of Houston - MA in Theatre Candidate '16

"Love the art in yourself and not yourself in the art." - Konstantin Stanislavski
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2017 09:33
From: James Gunn
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

I remember my first directorial attempt very well. I was the new teacher. The students did not trust me. I chose the typical blocking/tablework/memorization/ vocal exercise format of rehearsal. While I was open to blocking and oral interp by the actors, it was clear that mine was the final decision. At the end of the day, the cast created an excellent show, I earned their respect, and we moved on to rebuilding a program. 
It seems from what you say, that they did not respect your authority. Methinks that while that may be true, it was because they knew you had never done this before and did not trust your decisions. This was exacerbated by yielding important decisions to your students, so they felt as if they were "on their own". 
So, whether you feel confident in your skills or not, remember basic Magic Scoolbus teaching technique: take control, make decisions, make mistakes, get messy. Oh, and Show. No. Fear. Ever. Remember, your students don't know that you don't know.

------------------------------
JIm Gunn
Director of Theatre Arts
Madera High School
Madera CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

When Iy was a new director, I produced "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown". Everything was going swell until I saw the actor playing Snoopy purposefully back into a prop tree and lift his leg as if to pee on it. I knew that this was a defining moment for how future shows would go- So I went backstage, turned off the lights on stage and made a curtain speech letting the audience know that my actors were not ready to take on the responsibility of presenting a show in front of the audience. I gave everyone a refund and sent them on their way. I know this seems extreme, but the support I received from parents and admin was great. The kids realized I meant business. That story has become "history" in my Theatre Dept. and my older kids always tell the newbies that story.

------------------------------
Krystina Thiel
Theatre Arts Director
Great Falls MT
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2017 09:33
From: James Gunn
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

I remember my first directorial attempt very well. I was the new teacher. The students did not trust me. I chose the typical blocking/tablework/memorization/ vocal exercise format of rehearsal. While I was open to blocking and oral interp by the actors, it was clear that mine was the final decision. At the end of the day, the cast created an excellent show, I earned their respect, and we moved on to rebuilding a program. 
It seems from what you say, that they did not respect your authority. Methinks that while that may be true, it was because they knew you had never done this before and did not trust your decisions. This was exacerbated by yielding important decisions to your students, so they felt as if they were "on their own". 
So, whether you feel confident in your skills or not, remember basic Magic Scoolbus teaching technique: take control, make decisions, make mistakes, get messy. Oh, and Show. No. Fear. Ever. Remember, your students don't know that you don't know.

------------------------------
JIm Gunn
Director of Theatre Arts
Madera High School
Madera CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

My heart hurt for you when I read your experience. What a shame that your students do not respect the role of director in a production. I have been doing this for MANY years and every year I have to impress upon them all (actors and crew heads) that the director has the final say in everything. The director is over everyone, even the music director and the tech director; it is the director's vision of the play that everyone works to mount on the stage. Understanding just what everyone's role is in the collaborative performance art is part of the education process, but sometimes students just don't get it. 

You have many years to direct at this school, and you need to establish the very important separations of roles in the process. As directors we don't always have control once the performance begins, but we certainly expects everyone to work together, whether they agree with you or not. It was one thing to ask for suggestions during the rehearsal process, but eventually Directors have the final say on everything involved in the process!!! They need to understand that.

My advice: You have to make it clear this was NOT ACCEPTABLE.  I would have a "talk" with the entire cast before they performed again, and tell them how unprofessional they were. If they did that anywhere else they could be docked pay/ replaced and/or fired completely. If I were you I would take away some Thespian points for the students who took the unprofessional actions.  I would not allow another performance to take place with the offending costumes, confiscate them!  If you could replace the disrespectful actors (which may not be practical), I would do that as well. Whenever a student disregarded me as a director, I would NOT cast them in the next production. I was very upfront about this. Remember you have to establish your position and set the tone for the entire group, and sometimes a few are sacrificed for the good of the group. Believe me, it is tough, but you won't have to do this often.


If you take no action, you will never be respected by the students again. They are all waiting to see your reaction (even those who did not participate in the mutiny). Best of luck, be strong, do what needs to be done and your program will grow and thrive.

------------------------------
Valerie Farschman, Drama Director
MLS Theatre Company, Troupe 1422
Marion L Steele High School
Amherst, Ohio
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I am sorry for your distress. I am going to take a slightly different approach that may echo some of the previous comments.

Stay calm. Let the students know that you are proud of a great show. Let them know you value the collaborative nature of theatre and that you trust the artist in them. That said, also let them know you were disappointed that they ignored your final decisions in certain areas. I would not punish those that were culpable, but I'd let them know that if they wish there ideas and creativity to be respected your final decisions as director must also be respected.

Remember, the role of director is relatively new in the theatre. It has only been around a little more than a century. Acting troupes were left to their own devices creating a show for most of the history of western theatre. 

I trust my kids instincts and the artist in each and every one of them. I tell them they have a large pasture to play in, but there is a fence - and it is electric! I decide the final boundaries. If they can justify a change I allow it. However, I am the final arbiter. 

Again, have a discussion with your kids. Stay calm. Start with the positives then let them know how you expect things to go differently in the future. 

I hope this helps. 

Cheers,

William Eyerly

------------------------------
William J. Eyerly, Ph. D, Ed. D
Director of Fine & Performing Arts
Canterbury School
Executive Director
Gainesville Association for the Creative Arts
Fort Myers, FL
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

Original Message------

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

Original Message------

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

As far as feeling bad about this, stop it.  Kids do these kinds of things.  I had my students pull different things like this over the years and I think  it has more to do with the students than with my direction.  It's a combination of young actors not really understanding the importance of following direction whether they agree with it or not.  I had a student on opening night a couple of years ago who decided to play his scene as a drunk which was never discussed and totally wrong for the scene.  I relayed my message of "no more surprises" to my stage manager during the show and it stopped.  I've had student hide costume pieces they didn't like as well.  This is the kind of thing young thespians think are funny.  They are not necessarily thinking of how it would hurt the director's feelings.

Do not take this personally.  It's hard not to because we all really put our hearts into these productions.  Let's face it, none of us do it for the money.  In my opinion students who do not follow their directors wishes are not putting in enough hours of "excellent work".  I'd dock them ITS points as you see fit.  I'd also remind the students that departures from what was done in rehearsal is something that is unprofessional and can dangerous if it distracts other actors.  The baseball coach would bench a student like this.  Also remind the students that you keep track of and take into consideration student behavior when deciding honors, planning trips and casting going forward.  Trust and respect are essential to what we do.  The fact that they waited to do this until the performance shows some nasty forethought.  If you cannot trust an actor to do his/her job, that's a big issue. You need to address this because the students who did do the right things need to be commended.   Have a cup of tea and relax.  You did a good job!

------------------------------
Carol] Siegel
Certified Theatre Educator
Island Trees High School
Levittown, NY
516-520-2135
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I feel like I might sort of disagree with what some of the previous commenters have said. I don't think that we as educators should always "fake it till you make it." The theatre is a vulnerable place. When we direct, we put ourselves out there all across the stage, through every actor and through every final technical decision. I think it's important to be honest with your students.

I like to do a meeting after a production closes and talk about what went well and what could have gone better throughout the process. Sometimes I do this with key students from different areas of the production, and sometimes with the whole cast/crew, depending on the show. In your case I suggest maybe pulling some natural leaders from your group and having this kind of discussion, and make sure to include at least one student who directly disobeyed what you clearly told them. Ask for their feedback and input, and then also take the time to talk about yours. Tell them how you felt and what it meant to you. Ask them how in the future you can ensure that nothing on stage is happening when you have asked for it not to, or instructed for it to be done differently. Put them in a position to take ownership of the actions that took place, and also to share with you what they feel is a good plan to keep this from happening again. Of course also talk about the awesome things, how proud you are, and what they loved about the whole process too. Also talk to them about what they believe the role of a director is, and share what you believe it is (this can happen in class, and at the start of each new show too).

By being honest about your feelings and asking them to be honest with you, you may find that in the future, they are your biggest backers to keep this from happening again and they may be more likely in the future to talk to you when they have concerns, and trust you, since talking to them like this shows your trust in them. It's not you against the students, and if they feel like it is, this type behavior will continue. Remember that theatre education is different than theatre in other formats. We are educators, and we are teaching and training them for how to behave not only in the theatre but in the world in general as much as we are offering them opportunities to create in this medium. 

Most of all remember that this behavior is normal, and not specific to you. You of course are going to take it personally, but remind yourself that indeed they are students, they are learning, and they are going to make mistakes and make poor choices sometimes. We have all had to deal with students doing things on stage that we do not want them to do. It happens. How you handle the situation, will teach them also how to handle it when someone does something similar to them.

You are doing something difficult and awesome with those kids, and you have a lot to be proud of. Don't let this shadow over how cool it is that you just directed a play. Not many people can do what you do, and not many kids can do what they did. That alone is pretty magical and should cheer you up at the end of the day too.

------------------------------
Kathleen McNulty Mann
mcnulkl@bay.k12.fl.us

Arnold High School Theatre
Panama City Beach, FL
Program Director and Thespian Sponsor

Florida Association for Theatre Education
Board Member
Membership Committee Chair
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I literally just had this happen with the musical we closed on the 9th of this month. In the beginning of rehearsals, the kids did exactly what I asked, no questions. As we went along, a few would ask, "Can I..." and I would tell them if it was okay to make a creative decision or not. I most often said yes, but, because I was in communication with the author constantly, and I knew his intent with the piece, I was very protective of his work and wanted to keep it as whole as possible. By the end of the rehearsal process, there were a few upperclassmen who felt that they knew better than me and started TELLING me, during notes, what should be changed. When I would tell them why it shouldn't, they would argue. At one point, it escalated to a "This is where you need to realize that they pay me to be the director for a reason and move on."

Throughout the run of the show, little things would happen that would go expressly against what I had told them. Most of the time, they were innocuous displays of bratty high school students asserting their "power." I quietly made notes in my head for next year's auditions. But, by the end of the run, there were inside joke "pranks" happening onstage, a scene taken way too far so that it almost seemed like a sexual assault onstage ("but it was funny, Ms. D!"), and sexual gestures being added wherever kids wanted to.

We got a parent complaint. I fully expected more than just the one. It was forwarded by my principal to me. I told him that I did not disagree with the parent and explained the situation to him, offering to talk to the parent myself. He told me that I had handled it the way it needed to be handled and it was done.

I have asked for the right to not cast all who audition next year. I meet with my principal on Wednesday. We'll see!

------------------------------
Jodi Disario
Director of Drama
Willow Glen High School
San Jose CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

My take on it would be to not say a word.  Let the next audition process speak for you.  Whenever I have posted a Cast List there is always the inevitable conversations as to why the names on the list are there and why so and so isn't. This is an awesome lesson for themto learn. They are absolutely testing you and they are banking on you not doing anything about it.  Call that bluff.

My students here KNOW not to counter mind my staging.  I let them know if they have input I will consider it in the rehearsal (and many times it is incorporated in the show) but when we get into the space it has to be my way.  I also share with them all of the process bits - ideas, designs, concepts early on so they know that they are part of the process.  But I also let them know that no matter how talented they are they are expendable if they are taking any steps to make this about them and what they want rather than what the productions needs.

Shut that down!  They will absolutely respect you for it.

------------------------------
Christine DeFrancesco
Theatre Teacher
Huntley High School
Huntley, IL
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I give my students a lot of room for creative work in their acting. I expect and require their input in the creation of their characters and scenes. Having said that, they are also aware that if they step out of line in this way, I will not cast them again. I make my expectations for professional conduct very clear at the start of each production and my students have no doubt that I will enforce those standards. 

There have been times when I discussed behavior with students and reminded them that their behavior in the current production would affect their roles or chances of being cast in the future. That was usually enough. I've actually only had to take this final step once and the offending student chose not to audition for the next show knowing that I wasn't going to cast her in any case. 

Bottom line here. Even if the offending student is your best performer, your life and your productions are, long term, going to be better without him.


------------------------------
Robert Smith
VA Co-Chapter Director
James Madison High School
Vienna VA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I'm going to both agree and disagree with a lot of other comments on here...

It's important to remember that you are an artist yourself and your visions for your productions, as the director, are the ones that need to appear on the stage. It is your name associated with this aspect of the show. That being said, I am an extremely organic type of director. My students have learned that when I stage something then that is the way I want to see it... and that it moves the story forward along the theme I have chosen for the piece. Outside of these very specific moments I leave the actors the freedom to make their own choices about motivation and character. I find this combination, personally, works very well for my students. They have a lot of freedom BUT they understand that as the director, ultimately, it's my choice... and, when they direct anything, the same goes for them. I fully support their dictatorially choices (as long as they are school appropriate) even when mine would be different. I think that's the other reason I tend to have fairly "calm" shows. 

In terms of the kids who changed the staging and costumes on stage... don't cast them in the next production they audition for. I don't. In fact, I tell them not to bother auditioning; I won't call them up to read once. They have lost my trust as their teacher, director and as an artist and they need to show me that they are capable of handling the responsibility of being in a production before I will cast them again. I let them know that I will keep a close eye on them in class or, if they choose to tech, backstage to see how they handle their responsibilities. It is a one show ban (unless they continue to make poor choices). The kids know I mean it too. I did Pride and Prejudice a few years ago and my Mr. Bingley (who was a super talented actor) specifically did something with his costume that he was told not to do (actually, my stage manager reminded him before his entrance and he walked onstage turned to look at her and proceeded to do exactly what he had just been told not to). I addressed it at notes that evening and then spoke to him privately about his lack of respect and responsibility as an actor and that these showed me that he was not ready to handle another performance until he had matured enough... and he wasn't cast in the next show. After that experience he came back for the following audition and ended up with the part of the Beast in Beauty and the Beast and he did a phenomenal job... and I rarely have problems of this nature. The kids know I expect them to behave professionally, so they do.

Don't ever let things of this nature get you down. Kids will always push to see how far they can go. :^)

------------------------------
Shira Schwartz
Chandler Unified School District
Chandler AZ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

Hi gang -- 

Shira NAILED many of my thoughts on this topic -- 

You are an artist yourself
Your visions for your productions, as the director, are the ones that need to appear on the stage.
It is your name associated with this aspect of the show.

If the show is GREAT, YEA KIDS!!!!!!!
If the show is POOR, it is YOUR fault.

LIKE SHIRA, I am an extremely organic type of director. I run a 'democratic dictatorship' -- I lead, the kids create and I decide. They have a lot of freedom BUT they understand that as the director, ultimately, it's my choice... and, when they direct anything, the same goes for them. Part of the 'educational theater' process. This isn't children's theater or community theater. They are here to learn. I am here to teach.

I tell them ALL in class and at auditions -- "Everything you EVER do in front of a director is part of your audition." Everything. At the mall. At the library. How you treat others shows me what kind of teammate you will be.

Don't cast them in the next production. Let them know why. Nothing PERSONAL. Matter of fact. But you are the coach of the team and you don't need those kind of players on your team. Not fair to the REST of the team. They made some choices. Good choices have good consequences. Bad choices have bad consequences. I inform them that they have the control of how our things will run based on their attitudes and behaviors. Not being cast is a direct and appropriate consequence for the disrespectful choices I made in your show.

TRUST is absolutely essential in the relationships that must be built. They will need to EARN my trust again -- same with their castmates -- sacrificing trust for a HOPEFUL laugh or personal joke is not acceptable.

Don't take it personally. Try to help them FOCUS their powers for GOOD. The creative spirit is important and we must do all we can to keep it alive in our students. One of them could ONE day work alongside you!

------------------------------
Paul Townsend
Coronado High School
Scottsdale AZ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-25-2017 11:04
From: Shira Schwartz
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

I'm going to both agree and disagree with a lot of other comments on here...

It's important to remember that you are an artist yourself and your visions for your productions, as the director, are the ones that need to appear on the stage. It is your name associated with this aspect of the show. That being said, I am an extremely organic type of director. My students have learned that when I stage something then that is the way I want to see it... and that it moves the story forward along the theme I have chosen for the piece. Outside of these very specific moments I leave the actors the freedom to make their own choices about motivation and character. I find this combination, personally, works very well for my students. They have a lot of freedom BUT they understand that as the director, ultimately, it's my choice... and, when they direct anything, the same goes for them. I fully support their dictatorially choices (as long as they are school appropriate) even when mine would be different. I think that's the other reason I tend to have fairly "calm" shows. 

In terms of the kids who changed the staging and costumes on stage... don't cast them in the next production they audition for. I don't. In fact, I tell them not to bother auditioning; I won't call them up to read once. They have lost my trust as their teacher, director and as an artist and they need to show me that they are capable of handling the responsibility of being in a production before I will cast them again. I let them know that I will keep a close eye on them in class or, if they choose to tech, backstage to see how they handle their responsibilities. It is a one show ban (unless they continue to make poor choices). The kids know I mean it too. I did Pride and Prejudice a few years ago and my Mr. Bingley (who was a super talented actor) specifically did something with his costume that he was told not to do (actually, my stage manager reminded him before his entrance and he walked onstage turned to look at her and proceeded to do exactly what he had just been told not to). I addressed it at notes that evening and then spoke to him privately about his lack of respect and responsibility as an actor and that these showed me that he was not ready to handle another performance until he had matured enough... and he wasn't cast in the next show. After that experience he came back for the following audition and ended up with the part of the Beast in Beauty and the Beast and he did a phenomenal job... and I rarely have problems of this nature. The kids know I expect them to behave professionally, so they do.

Don't ever let things of this nature get you down. Kids will always push to see how far they can go. :^)

------------------------------
Shira Schwartz
Chandler Unified School District
Chandler AZ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

Actors have the responsibility for their character, but you have the responsibility for the whole picture. While it may seem to that actor that the play is about them (actors by necessity need a certain myopic view of their characters), they cannot and are not required to see the entirety of the production.

Let them know that not only are such antics disrespectful to you, they are disrespectful to the other actors on stage. And sometimes even dangerous. I once played Bottom in a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The set was a series of floating disks at 2', 4', 6' and 8' heights. During the scene where Titania is awakened she was supposed to jump into my arms from the 2' level which we had rehearsed. She whispered to me on stage one night that she (being the creative artist that she was, he said derisively) was going to jump from the 4' level. I couldn't actually stop the show to have a discussion about it on stage, So I soldiered on and attempted to catch her. I nearly dropped her (I should have) and hurt my back. At that moment, I was no longer acting, I was in survival mode. I assure that there was a discussion once we got off stage.

Let them know how this makes you feel; it was hurtful and disrespectful. Say to them that such antics may have been permissible with their previous teacher, but not with you.  In these situations, I  also point out that it is not professional behavior and I expect professional behavior. In a professional setting, an actor could be fired for such behavior and word could get around that the actor was difficult to work with. Ending a career. Actions have consequences.

In the future when you start rehearsal, let students know what kind of director your are. There are three kinds of directors (for those with leadership training this may sound familiar):

1. The Autocratic Director who controls everything,
2. The Laissez-faire Director who turns the process over to the actors.
3. The Democratic Director who takes input, but makes the final decisions.

You sound like a Democratic Director. Which is ideal. No one wants to work with a dictator and studies show that laissez-faire leadership is the least effective, especially with children.

Don't suffer in silence. Have an open, non-emotional discussion. After all this is a teaching moment.

------------------------------
James Van Leishout
Olympia WA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I have a slightly different directing situation than you and I think it's important to remember that every director has to do what works best for them and their department, but I feel for you!

I openly refer to myself as my kid's "Drama Mama".  I explain rather frequently that this means I will love them until the day they die, but I will also put the fear of God in them should they ever disrespect me.  I work with both the middle school and high school theatre departments in our school corporation, and I also head up a kids theatre camp with my co-director in the summers for our elementary school students.  By the time they get to high school, I've had many of my theatre kids for five years or more, so I have a pretty good sense of what the kid is capable of and a measure on their trustworthiness. Most of the kids I have respect me, respect my authority, and I'm able to back off and have fun with them.  That doesn't mean I don't lay down the law with them every now and then, but the more they respect you the more fun you'll have as an entire department.

I think it's important to remember they're kids, but as teachers and educators it's our job to prepare them for adult life.  They're high school students who are immature and riddled with peer pressure and who knows what's happening in their home life.  They're going to make stupid mistakes.  Expect it, have a plan, and carry it out.  You need to decide how best to do that in your program, but I would say it's extremely acceptable to not cast them in your next show.  If they ask why, explain it to them.  It will not only teach them a lesson, but send a message to the rest of the kids that you mean business.

I personally also had this happen a few months ago with our winter musical.  A few of our leads just decided to throw professionalism out the window and were throwing things in the show that were completely time frame inappropriate, ridiculous and extremely unprofessional.  While the community enjoyed the performance and we received several compliments on it, as professionals and theater gurus we were unimpressed, and we told the kids this.  We also have a mental note of who not to cast in the future.  Our middle school production is coming up soon and we have a few of our high school students who were in that musical on our crew.  One of the rehearsals this past week the kids got really antsy and talkative and one of the crew members came up to me and said, "These kids are so loud and annoying!"  I looked at them and said, "Remember the rehearsal we threw you guys out of the auditorium?"  They nodded.  "You guys were twice that loud and annoying."
They looked back and said, "I completely understand why we got thrown out."  It was a small, off hand comment, but in my head I heard the hallelujah chorus.  They get it!!!!  Take those small victories and thrive on them

Don't be afraid to ask for the kids' input in certain areas.  If you're not sure what to do in a specific section, have the kids who aren't on stage watch it and give suggestions, and then explain what you like/dislike about what they say.  They'll feel like they have more ownership of the production and will hopefully back off when you get to an area that you know exactly what you want no matter how many opinions you get.  Be  honest, be tough, and have fun.  Trust yourself and just know that some days you're going to be Glinda and other days you're going to be the Wicked Witch of the West in your kids eyes.  It's okay.  :)


------------------------------
Nicole Deckert
Theatre Director Northridge High School
Theatre Director Northridge Middle School
Middlebury IN
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-26-2017 10:49
From: James Van Leishout
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Actors have the responsibility for their character, but you have the responsibility for the whole picture. While it may seem to that actor that the play is about them (actors by necessity need a certain myopic view of their characters), they cannot and are not required to see the entirety of the production.

Let them know that not only are such antics disrespectful to you, they are disrespectful to the other actors on stage. And sometimes even dangerous. I once played Bottom in a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The set was a series of floating disks at 2', 4', 6' and 8' heights. During the scene where Titania is awakened she was supposed to jump into my arms from the 2' level which we had rehearsed. She whispered to me on stage one night that she (being the creative artist that she was, he said derisively) was going to jump from the 4' level. I couldn't actually stop the show to have a discussion about it on stage, So I soldiered on and attempted to catch her. I nearly dropped her (I should have) and hurt my back. At that moment, I was no longer acting, I was in survival mode. I assure that there was a discussion once we got off stage.

Let them know how this makes you feel; it was hurtful and disrespectful. Say to them that such antics may have been permissible with their previous teacher, but not with you.  In these situations, I  also point out that it is not professional behavior and I expect professional behavior. In a professional setting, an actor could be fired for such behavior and word could get around that the actor was difficult to work with. Ending a career. Actions have consequences.

In the future when you start rehearsal, let students know what kind of director your are. There are three kinds of directors (for those with leadership training this may sound familiar):

1. The Autocratic Director who controls everything,
2. The Laissez-faire Director who turns the process over to the actors.
3. The Democratic Director who takes input, but makes the final decisions.

You sound like a Democratic Director. Which is ideal. No one wants to work with a dictator and studies show that laissez-faire leadership is the least effective, especially with children.

Don't suffer in silence. Have an open, non-emotional discussion. After all this is a teaching moment.

------------------------------
James Van Leishout
Olympia WA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza

I totally understand your feelings of hurt and anger as this happened to me 3 years ago when I became the director when a beloved director/teacher retired. You need to push back hard. If you have an ITS organization, those who flagrantly ignored your direction are suspended from the company. Do not cast them in the next show. This hurts in the short term but will help in the long term. (Choose a smaller cast production.) Anyone in violation of the direction will not be inducted in the next ITS induction. These are a couple of suggestions.

The previous director (whom I love and continue to work with) did not have ITS and therefore had many "Senior Pranks" kids coming onstage in the final production in odd costumes, changing lines etc. In my view it was a problem as well as a copyright violation. I immediately let everyone know the "new" procedure. It took 2 shows but now I'm 6 shows into being director and it is a NEW place. Kids are more respectful of me and each other. When students accept a role and then quit the show...same as above suspension from the company and no induction (if eligible). Be sure you put it in writing as that held me up one semester.

You will continue to have these issues if you do not deal with them. One of the best compliments I received from a student came when she said, "we loved Mrs. ____ because she was fun but we love you because you make us better." Let us know how it goes. If you want to reach out privately, ginnie.bullis@hcps.org



------------------------------
Ginnie Bullis
Bel Air MD
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-22-2017 17:01
From: Waleksa Mendoza
Subject: Directing Issues- Creative Boundaries

Last night was the opening night for my first time as director for our high school's Spring musical. Throughout these past few months I have welcomed input from the cast and crew being that it was my first experience as a director, which was fine until opening night. I was on cloud nine watching all of hard work come to fruition but then I saw my cast members act/ block a performance that I specifically said not to do on numerous occasions. I remember these particular actors say that it made more sense but I said vehemently said no. To see them ignore my wishes as a director hurt more than made me angry. I had already been having doubts throughout the production about my directing abilities and seeing them blatantly ignore my direction just reaffirmed my doubts.  I felt like they didn't trust or respect me the moment they walked on stage. I thought about everything the "suggested" throughout  the production and sat there looking at the show wondering "did I really this show or was it all the kids?" My eyes became teary and I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show.To make matters worse not too long after that scene, another two actors wore costumes I told them they were not allowed to use. Even with the show being sold out and numerous compliments I received for directing the show that I night, I still felt like a failure and a fraud. I'm at a loss. Are my feeling justified or am I just being overdramatic?

Waleska Mendoza