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Looking for stories about parents who have struck out against drama teachers who have not cast their children in  lead roles, and how administrations have handled this.

I had a parent last year come in my office in a very threatening manner, cussing me out because I had not cast his daughter.  My principal was very supportive and told the father that he was no longer welcome on campus, and if he wanted to even be allowed on campus to see his daughter graduate, that he would cause no further problems.

One father called me cold and heartless and said I was "without a clue as a director" and "a terrible educator."  And, those are the nice things he said about me!  This was because I gave his daughter a role that he thought was beneath her when she was in 9th grade.  He wanted her to drop out of the show, but she participated anyway.  She then went on to be in every production during her four years with me.  Some roles were bigger than others, and she actually never played a lead, in part due to some physical challenges and anxiety issues that she deals with.  Unlike her father, however, she was always realistic about her ability and happy to just be part of the show.  We always found something fun for her to do in each production (small little moments of stage business or a solo singing line here and there) and she always performed with 100% commitment and 100% joy.  She isn't going to major in theater, but is getting my theater graduation award this year as she leaves us. Sadly, her father will never understand why.  

Well... Let me just preface this by saying that I teach 2 Musical Theatre courses and will be taking on the Drama full-time next year.  I have just had a meeting with one of "those" parents where she had 17 points of contention about me not casting her son (who wants to be a Theatre minor next year in college) in one of the lead/larger roles for our upcoming production.

My initial thought was "Only 17 points?  Martin Luther had 95!"  HAHAHA!!  Fortunately I have in place some pretty straight forward casting policies and my administrator was at ALL of the callbacks.  The one thing that has been the most important in my casting policies is that parents must wait 10 days before contacting me.  Students can talk about their auditions any time.  In my policies I clearly state that I will only talk about the things that their students can improve on, what they did well, etc.  I will NOT talk about why they didn't get a role that they wanted.  The best thing going for me and dealing with difficult/upset parents is having a school administrator present at the callbacks.

The way that I use my administrator is that after I will have students audition I would get her feedback what she liked and didn't like.  I rate the students and have her rate them as well, if we don't agree then I ask for something else from the actors.  It takes more time, but I'm convinced it has saved me in the end.  The administrator does NOT make casting decisions.  I do; all she does is give me feedback about her observations.

I've been doing this for 25 years now and honestly, it is within the last 3-4 years that I have seen more of "those" parents raise their voices.  I guess that's what happens when everyone gets a medal for participating.

I have a parent meeting at the start of each semester to go over the casting policies and procedures so everyone is on the same page.  It has helped.  Some people just don't know how to handle disappointing news, nor have they prepared "Johnny" or "Susy" to understand that disappointment is a part of life.

Wow! As a set designer, I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with auditions and casting!  :-)

Seriously, though, reading thru these stories, it sounds like "those" parents just don't understand how auditions and casting decisions work. There are a of of factors besides who read the best, including how his or her characterization jived with other actors' characterizations (i.e., whether there's any chemistry there). The one time I was in a play (in college), the director even had us do improvs in character to see how we looked and felt with another character. For instance, he was considering me for one role and had me do a couple of minutes of improv with a couple of actresses he was considering for my wife just to see how we worked together.

I wonder if making a list of these factors and explaining them to the parents (and the kids) at the start of the semester would help.

I've been fortunate enough that I haven't had to deal with this very often. I begin every audition process by explaining my general casting policies and making it VERY clear that I am happy to go over the specifics of individual auditions after the entire process is complete, the potential cast has accepted their parts, and the list is posted. I also only discuss the individual auditions with the student; never the parents. Part of this experience is learning to accept disappoint with poise and being respectful regardless of personal disappointment.

And frankly, these kids are in high school (for me). They need to be willing to speak to me directly. When they do I pull out all of my notes on the audition and go over the areas that were in need of improvement and the areas that worked. This gives them specific information to work with when preparing for future auditions. 

I also explain that although you may be the "best" person for a specific part you may not be the "best" when the rest of the cast is considered. Physical appearance, voice, movement, willingness to cut/dye hair, etc all play a part in casting. It's a bitter pill to swallow sometimes; especially for kids. But I'd rather have them learn to swallow that pill here. I'm a lot more forgiving.

When parents do call I inform them that I am happy to go over their child's individual audition when the child comes to speak to me. I have a standing policy regarding this issue. 

I did receive a REALLY nasty email from a parent last year after the child was not cast in the fall musical (not a singer or dancer) and didn't place onto the competitive improv team (he had been an apprentice but didn't progress enough to make the competitive team). Not only did I receive the email but I found out at the beginning of the school year that my principal and one of the asst. superintendents received a blind copy as well. I drafted a response to every point in the email (did I mention it was about 4 pages long?,) DID NOT SEND IT, and took the draft into my principal to discuss every point. Nothing came of it in the end. I was just a convenient person to take out the parent's anger on. It's harder when there is the assumption of everyone being included in everything that seems to be more prevalent now than it used to be. 

Bruce,

I had a parent accost me in the middle of rehearsal and physically grab my arm to "get my attention" and to say that the show would be "doomed to hell" because I didn't cast her freshman daughter. We have a large group of Christian theatre organizations in our area of Overland Park, Kansas and this attitude is wide spread. 

Last year was my first year in a new school.  The previous teacher was very well loved, deservedly so, which meant I had no honeymoon period with students.  I have had backlash with every casting decision.  Apparently the previous teacher tried not to use actors repeatedly in lead roles, rotating leads. Or, at least, that is the student perception.  I have never been one for the "everyone gets a turn" method.  Best actor for the part. Best audition at the time.

The worst was spring play. Jean Anoulih's Antigone.  A woman who had once been my friend and co-worker was upset I hadn't cast her daughter in the lead. The mther was a performer in the community.  The daughter was a senior so this was her "last chance". I truly felt like I cast the best actor in the role.  This woman felt her daughter deserved the role because of all the work she had done as a Thespian officer.  Granted there are times when talent is trumped by hard work. We've all had the actor who consistently proves themself to be unreliable. Those kids don't get leads.  Failing my class? Probably not a lead actor.  Not the issue with either of the girls contending for the role. Both reliable, both hard working, both good students on track to graduate, both seniors.  One had a wider range as an actor and she got the part. 

The mother cussed me out in the lobby on closing night and in the following week, spoke with my principal to get me fired.  One saving grace was another parent attending the show also wrote the principal complaining about the lack of security and that a person could be so publicly disruptive  and foul mouthed without any recourse fo me but to stand and take it.

The principal told the mother she was not welcome on campus again unless she was coming to his office. He even asked her if her main issue with me was because her daughter didn't get the lead.  I lost a friend, so I guess I never really had a friend in her.  

I still have back lash from every casting decision, but at least it's just the kids who are upset.  

I had a parent who began "anonymously" sending me text messages threatening my job.  She was sending them very frequently with very specific threats about contacting the superintendent and getting a group of parents together to get me fired.  I had to get the school law enforcement involved. One of the officers told me what to say in my response and the texts stopped.

I also had a mother call me crying because she was worried that her child would harm himself as a result of not getting cast. She told me about how his father had died and how now that he hadn't been cast she just didn't know if we would be able to make it.

Wow. Some stories here!

Thank you for starting this thread, Bruce! Just finished 'Acting on the Script,' it was awesome! Started putting it to use the following week after reading it.

And George, you never had an individual who got all upset after not being named Prop Master? :)

I've only had the one major issue with one student parent. One of those incidents when you meet the parent and you're all 'Oh, NOW it all makes sense!'

This girl had been cast as Eva Peron in 'Evita'. She was the back-up, as the other girl we cast was extremely sick and it was a little touch and go with her for a little while due to the treatments she was getting. The sick girl had worked with us previously, had proven herself reliable, and was deserving of the role.

We did three performances, which meant that one Eva would get one night, the other two. The back-up was slated for one night only, which was verbally confirmed by both and understood. I don't think the back-up ever realized why she was a back-up, as she was kind of unable to really see past herself and her own world.

Right from the beginning of the rehearsal period, the back-up did her best to poison the well, to try and show up the other, and undermine her by back-talking and spreading rumor, going as far as staging the 'theft' of her phone. The sick Eva (let's say Eva 1) spent 45 minutes with Eva 2 looking for her phone, and throughout the rehearsal process tried to defend Eva 2 from the rest of the cast, who had cottoned on to her nonsense from about day 0 and were already pretty sick and tired of it 4 weeks in. Eva 2 repaid the kindness by accusing and spreading the tale that Eva 1 had stolen her phone, as well as other unsavory rumors about Eva 1.

After this debacle, I stated very clearly to Eva 2 that I was very ready to remove her from the cast for her behavior, but was willing to let her try one more time to work through it with no more shenanigans. I also reiterated that she had the one performance. At this she looked completely shell-shocked, and started a new war with me because according to her I had promised her 2 nights, not one. This was what brought Mama bear in.

Mama bear demanded a meeting with the Principal, and essentially what happened was this:

Mama Bear spent an hour and a half berating me, my wife, my students, the school's drama program, the school's music program, the administration, God, everybody, because her child is amazing, and went to a summer theatre camp for 1 week with Berkley Prep. (I still have no idea what that means. I'm sure Berkley Prep is a wonderful institution, even if as a student you managed a whole week there). Because of how awful everybody and especially me and my wife, the most evil people in the universe (direct quote) for not following through on this promise that her child perform 2 nights out of 3. Her child was 'born for the role' and I was denying her God given gift to the world.

My Principal mostly just sat there and let me have it. In my view, there wasn't really much one could do to respond, and really there's no fixing crazy. The student withdrew from the school right there, despite my Principal trying to convince her otherwise, and after that, everybody breathed a huge sigh of relief and the cast got to enjoy the rest of the rehearsal period and the rest of the show. The atmosphere changed overnight/it was night and day/etc.

The postscript was that we had another girl step up to be the back up. Which was fortunate. Halfway through our third show, Eva 1 had to be pulled from performing further as she was really not doing well, physically. So in the end, since God has a sense of humor, the two Eva's we finished with both got equal stage time, a show and a half each. If Eva 2 had just stuck it out two more weeks...well, I dunno, I think the production succeeded much better without the aggravation and misery that her presence caused. Probably the most traumatizing experience I've had as a theatre teacher, but it all ended for the best.

Hey, Phillip,

"And George, you never had an individual who got all upset after not being named Prop Master? :) "  No, and thank heaven I don't get to appoint prop masters (or any other job): the production companies do that. I just have to deal with directors who want a Broadway set on a postage stamp stage with a tap water budget.   :-)

But seriously, that was one heck of a story. Man!

Now, after reading these stories, I have to wonder how often you teachers have to deal with this type of thing. Is it common, or does it happen once in a blue moon? Or is is just a matter of how the planets are aligned?

Thanks, George, for the kind words about the book.

In an age where everyone is the star of their own show, where parents think their primary job is to lawyer for their children and make life as easy as possible for them, where everyone gets the award for being the best from the time they enter school, it makes sense that some students and their parents should demand to do the casting themselves, I guess.

As an acting teacher in a first rate college program, you wouldn't believe the initial shock many of my freshmen students go through in their first months of conservatory training -- until they find a way to adjust to the teaching idiots who have criticism about their work.

I worry about our kids and our future. Not only is the water and air poisoned -- so is the way we're bringing up a generation of kids who train to be stars rather than artists.

Just wanted to add my less than sensational experience with this type of thing.

I moved to a new school once and took over a sad, almost nonexistent program. (Backstory: I moved to the new school with my principal who offered me the job once he was hired with very clear direction I was to build a theatre and literary program at that school like I had at the one we both left). 

I held open auditions for the fall one act play (annual competition piece). One senior student who had been the lead in most of the previous productions came to the auditions late, brought friends with her to watch, chewed gum the whole time, and never removed her sun glasses. She found the audition process I put in place humorous, ofter laughing at things I asked the actors to do.

After she did a couple of readings, she asked if she could go. I explained that we had more to do, including some improvisations, but that if she needed to go, she certainly could. And she did.

Needless to say, I didn't cast her (and it was more than her audition behavior). 

The day after the cast list was posted, I got a visit from the school counselor. Mom had called the counselor to find out why her daughter had not been cast/didn't I know she had been the lead last year/she had plans to major in acting in college/she was going to be a Broadway actor, etc...

I would haver loved to have told the counselor about the attitude, the audition behavior, the lack of team spirit. But, I didn't.

I told the counselor to tell the mother that I was the director, I had years of experience, my plays had won several awards, the principal believed in me strongly enough to ask me to move to a new school and city, and that I cast the people who were the best for the parts. 

I also made it clear to the counselor that I found it inappropriate and unproductive for her to be the go-between for me and a parent, and that I expected this to be the last time that happened (and it was). 

Sidenote: The play, by the way, won second place in the region - a first for that school. The next year the one act won first in the region and second in the state. Three years later: state champions. 

Needless to say, this was several years ago and the support I had from the principal was absolutely instrumental for dealing with that type of questioning. But it never happened to me again.

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Frank Pruet
EdTA President
Atlanta GA

I actually have one more incident regarding casting. When I was just starting out teaching/directing (I have been doing this now for 25 years) I was extremely unaware of how teens and parents could react to casting decisions.I now know better. Recently, I had a student, let's call her Allie, who was semi-talented, but always seemed to be sad or depressed. I had cast her in the chorus for a few musicals in the past but she never really earned a lead role and never took it on herself to get any better. She would always do the "musical camps" here in in our part of suburban Kansas City where you pay your $250 and you get a part in the show. You know, the "everybody gets a ribbon" thing. I hate this.

Anyway, we were proceeding with our auditions for our fall drama and I called her back for a part. She read well, but there was another girl her age who gave me the reading and character dynamic I needed. Allie didn't get the role but was cast as another supporting role. The next day her mother called me and demanded a meeting as to why I "hated" her daughter and that she deserves this part. I, knowing that this role contained some content that the mother would not agree with, let her know of this and also that in casting the director has to be the one making the decisions. She (mother) exploded. Flames out of her ears! She screamed at me in the hallway, grabbed me by the arm like a 5 year old child, all while students were watching. I had the security officer at the school come get her and escort her out of the building.

Needless to say, Allie quit our show and our theatre department. She also screamed and yelled at me, but this time in private. I told her that she could always audition again, but her mother was not allowed to attend. More tears. I have not talked to her or her mother since but my world is a lot more calm. Just a side note, I was supported by my principal and we worked on making sure she never showed up at shows to cause disruption. By the way, this mother and her daughter, Allie, are part of a conservative movement here in our area to make sure all casting at public schools is done by parent and teacher committee. If this happens, I will go sell cars for a living.

Dan Schmidt

BVSW Theatre Director Troupe # 7596

I don't have any stories to trump what's already been said here, though heaven knows I've heard everything under the sun including parents telling me I was destroying their child's interest in performing.  

But there are a few general themes that bubble up when I think about this topic, and I do see some of these themes echoed in the stories shared here.  

First is this idea of "turns."  I had thought maybe this was a more acute problem for me because I teach middle school, but I see from previous posts that our high school counterparts deal with this as well.  I always wonder if parents trot out the same logic with the athletic coaches (I mean, knowing parents, SOME probably do).  An audition is a competitive event.  For the most part, each new audition is a clean slate  (I use the qualifier "for the most part," only because a particular student's history of being a hard worker or a difficult cast member cannot be completely dismissed).  Of course some kids are going to consistently perform better in this competitive setting just as is the case in non-theatrical arenas.  I wish parents would really follow their line of reasoning when they say their own kid deserves a turn at a lead.  What does this world look like to them?  Should I really forbid a student who was, say, featured in our 6th grade presentation a lead role in the 8th grade musical because of his or her past success?  This is fairness?

Also, most parent flack I receive seems to be some combination of these sentiments: "My child is very disappointed/My child really wanted a lead."  This seems to me to be a complete abdication of the parent's role as parent.  I mean.....yes.  Of course.  I myself have auditioned and been disappointed at the results, but isn't the "parent-able moment" here that life can be upsetting and disappointing, but we should be resilient and try nonetheless?  When I inevitably receive some variation on this message (at least a couple times a year), I just stare at the email and think, this person is asking me to be the parent. (Also, your kid wanted it, eh?  How can you even bring yourself to type those words?  You can't make it to the very next thought which is, gee, I'll better other kids--including the kid who got the part--wanted it too?)

But the most pernicious attitude in these casting complaints--the one I think we should actively band together as a community of theatre educators and attack head-on--is the idea that having a non-lead role is a lesser theatrical experience.  I don't know about all of you, but I've been in a boatload of shows in my life, and I've rarely been a lead.  And yet I do it because I love it and I get a lot out of it.  And I know this is true of my students as well.  If I believed that the only worthwhile experience for my students was had by the slim minority of them who had lead roles (while the thousands that did not were just biding their time), I could not find the strength to get out of bed in the morning.  I don't believe this line of thinking, and I don't know any theatre teacher who does, but I do think that we sometimes inadvertently send signals that validate this worldview.  Instead of "engaging the rage," which I think can have the side effect of validating it, we must be plain about our belief that involvement for theatre is good for all and that the number of lines or solos a student has is simply not the barometer for his or her potential for growth, development, enjoyment or satisfaction.

Wow!  These stories make me incredibly grateful that in thirty-one years of leading school theatre, neither I nor my troupe co-sponsor has ever had an issue with a parent about casting.  Oh, we've had some students who got snippy, such as the strong actor and dancer who couldn't sing in tune, but who got so offended that she declined her role when the Guys and Dolls cast list placed her as a Hotbox dancer instead of Adelaide, where she had mentally pre-cast herself.  But that's about the extent of what we've experienced, and such occurrences have usually passed quickly without repercussions.

Phillip's mentioning that "really there's no fixing crazy" reminds me of a book that my principal displays in her office - in such a way that anyone coming to confer with her can't miss seeing it: Elaine K. McEwan's How to Deal With Parents Who Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy.  I recommend it.