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  • 1.  disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-17-2018 19:34
    I have a meeting with a parent who is very upset that her daughter was not cast in our musical. The parent did not say that directly, but the email came within minutes of the posting. The parent is claiming that I don't care for her daughter, that I haven't done a good job as a teacher or director. I am being held responsible for her defeat and despair. I am ready to share my criteria for casting and dealing with disappointment as an important life lesson, but was wondering what other advice you might have for this situation?

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    Sonja Brown, Theatre Teacher
    Thespian Troupe 839
    Galt High School
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  • 2.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-17-2018 21:46
    First, share the email with your principal and go over your criteria for casting and explain why you did not cast the girl. Having the principal on your side is perhaps the most important step.

    Second, let the parent know that you realize the daughter will never get into college or live a productive and happy life all because she was not cast in the musical. Express your condolences that her life is now ruined and you are sincerely sorry that the best she can hope for is earning a GED and working at a fast food restaurant. 

    Whoops! I didn't mean to actually type that.

    Maybe it would be best to also share with the parent your criteria for casting and explain why you did not cast her, and give some feedback on what she needs to work on for the next audition. 



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    Ken Buswell
    Drama Teacher
    Peachtree City, GA
    http://mcintoshtheater.org/

    Theater kills ignorance
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    Original Message


  • 3.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-17-2018 21:53
    And this might not help for the immediate situation, but takes notes on each audition, and, if possible, have another person evaluating the auditions and taking notes - even if it's an alumni or a student stage manager. In general, the more notes and data your can throw at a parent, the better.

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    Ken Buswell
    Drama Teacher
    Peachtree City, GA
    http://mcintoshtheater.org/

    Theater kills ignorance
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    Original Message


  • 4.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 07:49
    That's a tough thing to deal with. We have learned to do several things to make our audition process better and less problematic after the fact.

    Prior to the audition we always hold a workshop.  This is where we play through the songs (for a musical) and talk about characters, the story, and any special requirements (dancing, accents, etc.)  We answer questions, talk about delivering a slate, and in general just give our students a heads-up on the whole process.  Not everyone comes to the workshop, but if after the audition happens and they didn't get the part they want we look back to see who did and who did not.  By and large, most of the disgruntled are those who don't take the time to prepare adequately, including making the workshop a priority.

    Another way we try to mitigate the post-casting blues is to do shows that we can always throw another body into the chorus.  Then we can say that we cast everyone.  It almost always works.  Still, some students get disappointed by not getting exactly the part they want.

    We also have an audition panel of staff and at least one "blind judge," someone who doesn't know the kids.  This way it can be honestly said that all casting decisions are made by several people. 

    Even so, some times we, too, get the disgruntled parent who thinks it's her/his God-given right to vent about the show/the cast/the director/our upbringing all across social media.  We confront such parents directly yet professionally.  We still have those lengthy conversations to explain it all to the Momma-Bears.  Sometimes that's all you can do.

    Good luck!



    Original Message


  • 5.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 05:15
    Hopefully you have the support of your administration. We expect kids to be emotional, but we expect adults to be...adults. It doesn't always turn out that way! Regardless, the parent has the right to be heard. Let them say their piece. Don't apologize. You are teaching real-life skills. Offer feedback on improvement. For years, I have used an "audition permission form" reminding the student and advising parent about the element of CHANCE involved in an audition. I require it be returned prior to auditions with a signature from both the student and parent. It has helped a lot. Stand your ground. Good luck.

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    Garry Tiller
    Theatre Arts Teaching Artist
    Sidwell Friends
    Washington, DC
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    Original Message


  • 6.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 10:05
    The other posts have listed great ideas. I will add one more. I videotape every audition. It gives me the ability to bring up the audition/callback and be able to give specific feedback with the parent.

    That doesn't really help you in the present...and to be honest, not much will. The parent is reacting from an emotional space and not a logical one. The only suggestion I have is to make sure you have an administrator, colleague or department chair in the meeting with you. Hold tight to your casting...or you will have more of these meetings in the future if word gets out.

    Good Luck...and Happy Holidays!

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    Ed Como
    Chaparral Theatre
    Scottsdale, AZ
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    Original Message


  • 7.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 10:41
    I have dealt with a few "disgruntled parents" before and one thing I've learned is that those nasty-worded emails are often written in the heat of the moment, when emotions are the most raw. Usually by the time of the meeting, the parent has calmed down (sometimes they'll even apologize!) enough that a very positive, civil discussion can be had. As you mentioned, turn it into a learning experience. Have very specific, constructive feedback to give. Explain how difficult the casting process is, etc. Try to be as positive and empathetic as possible, but stick to your guns. Give them other opportunities to help with the production, possibly on the tech crew, publicity team, dramaturg, or some other capacity (note, it should be very clear that these positions are essential, and NOT consolation prizes). All that is to say, be prepared, but don't be defensive, and don't assume bad intentions.

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    Christopher Hamilton
    Drama Teacher
    Kennewick WA
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    Original Message


  • 8.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 11:00
    In my experience, this is #1 most uncomfortable part of any production process!​  However, you are a teacher, not a Broadway Director and so you know you need to treat this as a teachable moment for the kid(s) and the parent(s).  Do it well once or twice and the community is vaccinated, you're decisions tend to be trusted and respected and the kids and parents accept that your process is as fair as it can be.  At least temporarily ;). 

    Failure and disappointment are a reality in anyone's life and provide opportunities to exercise reflection and grit.  AND failing feels terrible.  AND even though we parents know it's an important experience, it's hard to watch our kid fail.  Parents just want their kids to be happy - we know it's not possible all the time but we feel terrible when they feel terrible.  So, above all, be empathetic.  You don't have to change your decision or the reality in order to do that.  Just open by saying "I understand how disappointed X is and how difficult it is to see your kid unhappy.  Casting is the hardest thing about my job and I spend hours trying to align all these factors...." and provide a little education on the myriad of casting variables you factor into your decisions.  Absolutely do give some feedback on X's audition, beginning with some things you were pleased to see in X's audition.  If the parent can see that you do in fact know and value the kid, that might help back them down from the 'you don't care' position.  Having the info and the policy content is only half the battle here.  The other half is all about attitude.  Respect and empathy go a long way in de-escalating an emotional situation!

    We are all with you!!

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    Julia Wharton
    Theatre Director/Educator
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    Original Message


  • 9.  RE: disgruntled parent

    Posted 12-18-2018 12:10
    If it helps to relate this experience to athletics, when 20 students tryout for the basketball team and the coach is only taking 14, six students are disappointed. It is not personal (hopefully). The coach has certain roles to fill - the team needs guards, forwards, and centers. Who are the best students to fit those roles? It's a tough but good lesson for students to learn. Sometimes the answer is no.

    Regarding the auditions, I would explain that the students who were cast did well in specific areas. They prepared the audition material. They sang on pitch. They danced very well. Their character choices were well thought out. They displayed positive and respectful attitudes. Etc. Then I'd tell the parents what their child might improve for the next audition. I'd avoid comparisons with specific students who were cast, but speak more generally. Hopefully this will be a constructive and helpful dialogue.

    Best wishes!



    Original Message


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