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Bully Parents

  • 1.  Bully Parents

    Posted 05-03-2015 19:38
    I have a parent that sends me weekly, and often daily emails to intimidate, harass & bully me. She got angry when her son didn't get a part in the one act earlier this year & wanted my administration to discipline me for "not being fair" to her son. Fortunately, my administration has been supportive of me, but that made her even more angry and the harassment got worse when she didn't get her way. I've always responded professionally and am trying not to let it get to me. Th he student is a senior so I'm just trying to ride out the storm until he graduates. However, I'm now getting emails about decisions I'm making for next year (club officer selection, choice of plays) even though it doesn't affect her or her son in any way. It's very stressful and I'm beginning to feel that she going to continue to harass me even after her son has graduated. Do I have any recourse for action? How can I make her stop legally & safely? ------------------------------ Jeana Whitaker Theatre Director Mesa AZ ------------------------------


  • 2.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-03-2015 21:29

    If there are no siblings or any further family involved, I would feel that she has no business harassing you about next year's choices. Definitely have a pile of these communications on hand, and maybe talk to the resource officer about it. Teachers shouldn't have to put up with it, and there should be some legal protections. I think you can resort to "That information is confidential as it pertains to students who have nothing to do with you," but obviously phrased more politely.

     So sorry that you're in this situation, that stinks. I hope you can find a good resolution, and I'm certain you're not the first one to go through something like this either. 

    ------------------------------
    Phillip Goodchild
    Theatre Arts Instructor/Assistant Department Head of English
    Hillsborough County Schools
    Ruskin FL
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    Original Message


  • 3.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 20:31
    Yes, definitely keep all communications and a diary of notes about someone harassing you.  This was one of the first things my mom learned from her education classes in college, and she needed them for the first time a couple of years before retirement.  Her lawyer won!
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    Vicki Bartholomew
    Playwright
    Sherwood OR
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    Original Message


  • 4.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 07:55

    My experience is that they always graduate with their senior.  Trying to be professional and clear is hard, I usually side with being clear.  Sometimes people who put out this kind of energy just want attention... so ignore her :)  Break a Leg (Just NOT hers).

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    Daniel Stowell
    Teacher / Director
    Dublin OH
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  • 5.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 07:57

    I would reply to one last email, cc the principal (or whomever is the appropriate person in your building) and let this parent know that you will no longer reply to any email that does not involve the education of her child in your classroom but rather you will simply forward all emails to ______. That should stop the emails and if not, they are no longer your problem. If the parent switches to phone calls, simply say, "I'm sorry this is not a good time to talk. Please call ______ to set up an appointment to discuss this matter."

    Our job is difficult enough and there is no reason for you to put up with this harassment. Some people are just bullies and until you stop them, they will continue. Warn your principal (or whomever) that you are going to write that email before he or she gets it. Principals do not like unpleasant parent surprises. :) Good luck!

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    Ann Hileman
    Indiana Chapter Director
    Peru IN
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    Original Message


  • 6.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 08:45


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    Mark Quinlan
    teacher/director of theater/head speech coach
    Centennial School District, ISD#12
    Circle Pines MN
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    Original Message


  • 7.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 09:02
    What a mean woman!! I would forward everything to the principal and maybe the teachers union. Every response from you should be "cc'd" to the principal so she knows she is speaking to a bigger audience than just you. This needs to stop. Check with your Union and their legal representative to see if this is legal. Definitely respond to the emails about next year with a clear comment about it not pertaining to her. So sorry this is happening. These things can chew you up...seek help from your admin. ------------------------------ Vici Anderson El Paso TX ------------------------------
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  • 8.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 09:34
    Bring a copy of all the communications to your Supervisor and Principal. Explain the situation and request that any further communication from said parent must go through the Supervisor, or Guidance and by threatening you, she's lost the right to communicate with you directly. The Supervisor will then deflect most inquiries and the parent will typically get frustrated and stop contacting. You have the right not to be harassed. If they (the Admin) choose not to agree with you, then inform the parent that you are not changing what you do and she is more than encouraged to take it up with your Supervisor. Make them do their jobs and protect you from "Crazy Parents." As always, make sure everything is documented and remain professional. As Winston Churchill said, "A man with no enemies has stood for nothing." Good Luck.

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    Charles Miller
    West Creek NJ
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    Original Message


  • 9.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 10:02
    Sounds to me like it has reached a point where your administrator should step in and handle the parent. I know mine would if asked. Good luck!

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    Debra Hubbard-Pastore
    Theatre Arts teacher
    Rowan Salisbury Schools
    Salisbury NC
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    Original Message


  • 10.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 10:28

    So sorry this is happening to you. I had some of those back when I taught private school, and it's extraordinarily stressful. Save all of the emails, and discuss a response with the administrator. I agree that a polite "this is none of your business" email (re: next year) followed by a referral to discuss further issues with the administrator would be ideal (and cc the admin from now on). I do think she will probably move on with her student, but you shouldn't have the rest of your year ruined by this one parent who obviously needs to get a life. Hang in there.

    Best,
    Jonathan

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    Jonathan Dorf
    Playwright/ Co-founder of YouthPLAYS/ Co-chair of The Alliance Of Los Angeles Playwrights
    Los Angeles CA
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    Original Message


  • 11.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 10:35
    I agree with the other teachers and put a buffer in between you and the parent. Have all emails go to an administrator and have them respond with your input. This will show the administration what type of person you are in contact with. 

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    Susan Cox
    Drama Director
    La Crescenta CA
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    Original Message


  • 12.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 11:59

    I also agree that your administration should be involved at this point. I would make an appointment (or drop in) to your principal and go over the issue and how (s)he would like to handle the situation in the future. When I've had parents reach this point I've informed them (politely) through email, with the principal cc'd, that I will no longer communicate with them outside of a physical meeting where the administration is present. I've only had 1 parent choose to meet and (s)he backed down when (s)he learned that the administration was supporting me.

    You are entitled to a safe working environment and no one has the right to verbally abuse you. 

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    Shira Schwartz
    Chandler Unified School District
    Chandler AZ
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    Original Message


  • 13.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 11:40

    Hi,

     

    I too, am sorry that is happening. I thought for sure it was a middle school parent you were talking about until you wrote "senior."

    Occasionally, when kids pulls away, the mom tries to get more involved. I bet if you were to ask the student how they felt, they would know that college is coming soon and that high school casting really means nothing once they graduate.

    So, yes, I would pull an administrator into the discussion and stop answering her calls and emails. I have an email filter that directs some emails to to file called "parent noise."

    Your might have to say, "Oh, sorry. I understand what you are saying, but I have not seen that email. So, I can't reply."

    At the very least, I expect that you will get support for ignoring her next year. We had a graduated senior return to try to influence theater "traditions." It was sad. The admin understood that the current "clients" are the ones we need to serve today.

    Again, hang in there, this will pass - in less than a month. At a rate of one email per week, that is only four more emails that you need to ignore.

    ------------------------------
    John Hauer
    Hillsborough CA
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    Original Message


  • 14.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 14:43
    Thanks everyone!  I met with my Principal this morning and I must say that he is VERY supportive of me and what I do.  He has been aware the whole time, as the parent cc's him on every email, but he is the kind of administrator that lets me run my own program and doesn't micromanage (which I very much appreciate!).  But we met this morning and he is going to send another email to the parent, so hopefully it will end there.  Thanks for all your support.  I felt like I got a great big hug.  : )

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    Jeana Whitaker
    Theatre Director
    Mesa AZ
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    Original Message


  • 15.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 15:29

    This is awful and totally inappropriate. I recommend going to an administrator you trust and ask him/her to meet with the parent. The admin should be able to tell the parent to stop contacting you - no emails, phone, calls, etc. If it continues, you might warn her that you will contact an attorney regarding this harassment - that you will forward everything she's sent to an attorney. Tell her that her input is not only unwelcome and unhelpful, it is affecting your emotional health. You don't deserve this. You don't contact her at her work to criticize and bully her.

    You might talk to an attorney (hopefully a parent of a student or alum) and ask what your options are. Can the attorney draft a cease and desist letter? Keep records of everything, in case it continues and/or escalates.

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    Rob Duval
    Theatre Teacher/Director
    'Iolani School
    Kaneohe HI
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    Original Message


  • 16.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 18:40
    I think your principal needs to call her and tell her that he/she has instructed you to block her emails and to not receive phone calls, etc.

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    Helen Dixon
    Oakley CA
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    Original Message


  • 17.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 18:58

    Wow, I have one of those this year.  She even had her sister, a lawyer call saying she was representing the family.  I replied with "So you want to be the lawyer with the reputation of suing a high school over the casting of the school play?" Never heard from her again.

    The parent, on the other hand, is a thorn in several teacher's sides when she sees an "injustice" done.  Even my principal came to me and asked me to ask her to stop calling.  I finally got firm and told her not to call my principal anymore, that she has far more important matters to deal with. Most of the time, I just listen to her rant on the phone, tell her I understand, and use the magic words "You may be right." Once diffused enough to hang up, I realign my focus and go on with my busy day.

     

    Is there anything I can do about it? Unless there is threat of my or student safety, there is nothing I can do but sit through it and move on.  I will NEVER let a bully parent sway my decisions and I will always reflect upon my decisions to be sure they are indeed ethical and just. If she gets to the point that you feel unsafe, you can ask you administration for help or, in extreme measures, file a restraining order.

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    James Mead
    Director of Drama
    Palmer AK
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    Original Message


  • 18.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-04-2015 19:31

    Well, this is awful.  I am so sorry you are being bullied like this. The time to make it stop is now.

     A couple suggestions:

    1. If she doesn't ask a direct question then simply delete the message and move on.

    2. You can send back a simple and brief response: "I have received your email." Kind Regards....(insert your name)

    3. Talk to an administrator and get their support. Simply forward all email messages to the administrator. You could reply once and say, "This is to inform you that all of your future emails will be handled by the administration as I will no longer be responding to your emails directly."  (I actually have had to do this before, and it worked beautifully).

    You need to turn this over to your administration team.  You are doing too much good at your school to deal with this kind of behavior. It eats away at your energy and makes your life difficult.  Bullies do not like to be stood up to.  So stand up.  Enough is enough. 

    If you need a pep talk just let me know.  There are a lot of us who are ready to lend you our support.

    The students who are so happy and excited by what you offer them don't deserve to have their teacher less than at her best!

    Bully be gone!

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    John Rutherford
    Rochester Hills MI
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    Original Message


  • 19.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-05-2015 15:05

    Jenna,

     

    I think you have three choices here.

     

    1. Stop even opening her emails. Just delete them as they arrive. You could also block them, so you never even see them.

    2. Send as politely-worded a letter as you can, saying that you are forwarding all of her correspondence to the principal and will no longer reply. I personally would include a sentence explaining that I would have no choice but to forward any further correspondence from her to the police department. Openly include the principal as a CC.

    3. Continue to let her bully you (clearly not the best option).

     

    I hope it all ends quickly and safely for you.

     

    Sincerely,

     

    Mike Corliss

    Livonia Stevenson H.S.

     Livonia, MI


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    Michael Corliss
    Livonia MI
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    Original Message


  • 20.  RE: Bully Parents

    Posted 05-05-2015 15:54

    Like the others, I, too, am sorry about all of this.

    You're on the right track by keeping everything that's sent to you.

    Like others have said, let your principal know, but I'd go one step farther and let your superintendent know. I had a parent go over me, over my principal, and straight to the super about a matter last month. I immediately sent all paper work to him, and it was resolved in my favor with my super's support. They don't like to be blindsided, and I fear this lady my forgo the chain of command.

    Best of luck!

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    Jared Grigsby
    English and Journalism Teacher / Drama Director
    MSD of Boone Township
    Hebron, IN
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    Original Message