Open Forum

This student obviously has problems. You tried to reach out to him and then he stabbed you in the back to the point that his mother had to apologize. I know it's difficult but should try to forget him and the incident, don't let him live in your head rent free. Dwell on the students who were successful in your class and benefited from your teaching. I think you were right in your evaluation, the child sounds like a sociopath.

Bruce,

I am sorry this happened to you--we care so much about these kids and try to do the right thing.  It really is wonderful that the mother reached out to you.  It sounds as if there are other issues which you can't control.  I would try to take comfort in the mother's apology.  

Holly

I hate those kind of stories. It is so sad how one kid can make you feel bad when so many of the other kids were probably very happy with the evening and the year.

I agree with everyone else. Let it go (even though I would have a very hard time doing it myself). I would say to take comfort in the fact that he still wants to be a drama teacher. You obviously didn't make him want to change his mind, although he has some maturing to do, if this is the career he plans to pursue. 

My father complained to my grandmother about my behavior at some point when I was a teenager. She said to him, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." She meant that he had behaved in a similar way as a teenager at some point. I am sure we all have done hurtful things to an adult at some point in our past. If this student becomes a drama teacher, some day he will experience something similar, and then you will be able to say, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."

But this does bring up a good topic. Should we allow students an open forum to talk at the end of the year? I don't do it. This is mainly to avoid a situation like what happened to you. I don't want a kid to ruin the night for me or someone else. Our Thespian Officers do all of the presenting with the exception of the highest honors. I present these last few awards, then hand out the seniors framed certificates, and give them a final bow. Everything that the kids say at our banquet is scripted by me. I don't want to take the chance that a student will create hard feelings at our last Thespian function of the year. I see our banquet as a celebration of the troupe instead of any one person. 

But my students would love to give senior speeches. They ask to do it every year.

What does everyone else do? 

Is his name ___________ ?   Yep - happened to me too.  Not in the same way, but the same outcome.  Mine went on to make a career in the theatre and he continues to exclude his 4 years of high school theatre - and an officer no less - on all his public materials.  But he was all too happy to suggest coming back and doing workshops for the troupe.  Like someone else posted, this is about his character not mine. 

Sometimes, the only grudge is that we were honest with them about their abilities.  Maybe the first person that really was.  That's hard, especially for a teenager, but it is part of our job.  I am going to support and champion every kid that shows up for my program, but I'm not going to tell them they are wonderful if they don't do the work.

On the sub topic of student speeches, I don't do them either.  They are risky, but mostly my issue is time.  I like to keep the evening short and to the point which is, for us, induction and awards. 

Bruce,

I have not had that experience necessarily, but I know there are some students who prefer our other directors over me.  And that's fine.  As others have said you (and I) are honest with them about their growth.  We treat them like the adults they want to be treated like, but sometimes they can't handle the truth!  As I tell all of my students "I don't necessarily care to be your favorite teacher while you were in high school; I want to be your favorite teacher ten years from now."  I say that because it often takes some distance from high school in order for them to realize what you were doing with them.  

As for senior send offs:  We started with each senior giving a one-minute speech.  That ended up dragging because some students would ramble on (and how rude to cut them off).  For the past several years we have had them make a tribute video of no more than 10 minutes that worked well and was fun--last year they reminisced as they did several theatre challenges (one of them had to see if they could put on the 25+ show shirts that I have hanging in my room all at once!).  However, this year my co-director, who is overseeing all aspects of our banquet this year, agreed to let them give live speeches again.  The banquet is tonight, and we will see how successful it is.  The other two directors and I give a few words throughout the night as well.

Bruce, with the end of the year upon us, try to let it go and enjoy some much needed rest.  Then refocus yourself on the 99% of the students who love what they do!

Ray

Bruce,

You are fortunate to have taught for 30 years and never had a student do that to you.  I have learned that after 20 years and several students (especially in new teaching environment) have done this.  My first teaching assignment I had students who slashed my tires because of their old teacher telling them to do destructive things to me to drive me out. Did it upset me, yes; but did I leave, no.

I learned that some kids will never celebrate you, but the bulk will.  And when you go home at night, it is your life and your family that matter and when you go back to classroom there will be good kids, great kids and rotten kids.  That fact doesn't change and each year will bring the same combo.  Ask yourself are you proud of what you did?  Did you do what you set out to do?  And then go home and kiss your kids, pet your cat or dog and love your life.  You've made it 30 years, congratulations and celebrate yourself.

Keep your chin up and don't fret, next year is coming.  

I feel bad that the student you attempted to reach out to, refused to make peace before leaving high school. I have angered some students, who would snub me (ignore me) in their senior banquet speeches, but would not go so far as to embarrass me. The one thing I use as a mantra when perplexed by teenage behavior is "Remember, their brains are not fully developed until 24 -25 (if then)." That frontal lobe "involves the ability to project future consequences resulting from current actions, the choice between good and bad actions (or better and best) (also known as conscience), [and] the override and suppression of socially unacceptable responses...[it also] modifies emotions to generally fit socially acceptable norms." This young man has a great deal of maturing and growing up to do, and if he doesn't, God help the woman who marries him.

You may never discover what got him angry with you, and it is possible you did nothing, but he perceives you did. As another director stated, be happy you have only experienced this once. Also, accept that apology from the mother, that is big. Today, so many parents seem to coddle their children and take their sides without getting the full story. She must have great respect for you, even if her son does not.

Don't dwell on this one, focus on the larger group of students who respect and work with you.

Hi Bruce, I'm sorry to hear your year ended on a negative note. My advice is to just wish this student well and brush the metaphorical dirt of your shoulders. Who knows, in 8 more years, he may recall how professional and fair you were. Keep your chin up and remember all the wonderful, positive students who are so excited to make art with you in the fall. 

John Perry's comment "...don't let him live in your head rent free" really resonates here. As sad as the incident was,  there's nothing you can do about it. Serve him with a 24-hour eviction notice, clean out the place, and move on.

I am dreading tonight's awards ceremony for similar reasons.  Last year I was the new teacher in the building. Even with years of experience, I was actually excluded from the whole ceremony.  Not just one kid but the whole group.  

This year I have some carry-over of that attitude and a whole lot of new kids who are hopefully on board with the friendlier face I am trying to put on the program.