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Dealing with Difficult Parents

  • 1.  Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-19-2018 21:25
    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 2.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 03:57
    Worth a Read: (from Mike's book)

    Mike lived with me in Milwaukee his rookie year. He's one of the most respected, wonderful people you will ever be around. Mike coached his kids after retirement and this is a letter to the parents on his team. This may be the BEST letter I've ever read regarding youth baseball and is exactly what "The Mac-N-Seitz Way" is all about. Please enjoy and help us get there!

    Letter from Mike Matheny.....

    I always said that the only team that I would coach would be a team of orphans, and now here we are. The reason for me saying this is that I have found the biggest problem with youth sports has been the parents. I think that it is best to nip this in the bud right off the bat. I think the concept that I am asking all of you to grab is that this experience is ALL about the boys. If there is anything about it that includes you, we need to make a change of plans. My main goals are as follows:

    (1) to teach these young men how to play the game of baseball the right way, (2) to be a positive impact on them as young men, and
    (3) do all of this with class.

    We may not win every game, but we will be the classiest coaches, players, and parents in every game we play. The boys are going to play with a respect for their teammates, opposition, and the umpires no matter what.

    With that being said, I need to let you know where I stand. I have no hidden agenda. I have no ulterior motive other than what I said about my goals. I also need all of you to

    know that my priorities in life will most likely be a part of how I coach, and the expectations I have for the boys. My Christian faith is the guide for my life and I have never been one for forcing my faith down someone's throat, but I also believe it to be cowardly, and hypocritical to shy away from what I believe. You as parents need to know for yourselves and for your boys, that when the opportunity presents itself, I will be honest with what I believe. That may make some people uncomfortable, but I did that as a player, and I hope to continue it in any endeavor that I get into. I am just trying to get as many potential issues out in the open from the beginning. I believe that the biggest role of the parent is to be a silent source of

    encouragement. I think if you ask most boys what they would want their parents to do during the game; they would say "NOTHING". Once again, this is ALL about the boys. I believe that a little league parent feels that they must participate with loud cheering and "Come on, let's go, you can do it", which just adds more pressure to the kids. I will be putting plenty of pressure on these boys to play the game the right way with class, and respect, and they will put too much pressure on themselves and each other already. You as parents need to be the silent, constant, source of support.

    Let the record stand right now that we will not have good umpiring. This is a fact, and the sooner we all understand that, the better off we will be. We will have balls that bounce in the dirt that will be called strikes, and we will have balls over our heads that will be called strikes. Likewise, the opposite will

    happen with the strike zone while we are pitching. The boys will not be allowed at any time to show any emotion against the umpire. They will not shake their head, or pout, or say anything to the umpire. This is my job, and I will do it well. I once got paid to handle those guys, and I will let them know when they need to hear something. I am really doing all of you parents a favor that you probably don't realize at this point. I have taken out any work at all for you except to get them there on time, and enjoy. The thing that these boys need to hear is that you enjoyed watching them and you hope that they had fun. I know that it is going to be very hard not to coach from the stands and yell encouraging things to your son, but I am confident that this works in a negative way for their development and their enjoyment. Trust me on this. I am not saying that you cannot clap for your kids when they do well. I am saying that if you hand your child over to me to coach them, then let me do that job.

    A large part of how your child improves is your responsibility. The difference for kids at this level is the amount of repetition that they get. This goes with pitching, hitting and fielding. As a parent, you can help out tremendously by playing catch, throwing batting practice, hitting ground balls, or finding an instructor who will do this in your place. The more of this your kids can get, the better. This is the one constant that I

    have found with players that reached the major leagues....someone spent time with them away from the field.

    I am completely fine with your son getting lessons from whomever you see fit. The only problem I will have is if your instructor is telling your son not to follow the plan of the team. I will not teach a great deal of mechanics at the beginning, but I will teach mental approach, and expect the boys to comply. If I see something that your son is doing mechanically that is drastically wrong, I will talk with the instructor and clear things up. The same will hold true with pitching coaches. We will have a pitching philosophy and will teach the pitchers and catchers how to call a game, and why we choose the pitches we choose. There is no guessing. We will have a reason for the pitches that we throw. A pitching coach will be helpful for the boys to get their arms in shape and be ready to throw when spring arrives. Every boy on this team will be worked as a pitcher. We will not over use these young arms and will keep close watch on the number of innings that the boys are throwing.

    I will be throwing so much info at these boys that they are going to suffer from overload for a while, but eventually they are going to get it. I am a stickler about the thought process of the game. I will be talking non-stop about situational hitting, situational pitching, and defensive preparation. The question that they are going to hear the most is "What were you thinking?" What were you thinking when you threw that pitch? What were you thinking during that at bat? What were you thinking before the pitch was thrown, were you anticipating anything? I am a firm believer that this game is more mental than physical, and the mental may be more difficult, but can be taught and can be learned by a 10 and 11 year old. If it sounds like I am going to be demanding of these boys, you are exactly right. I am definitely demanding their attention, and the other thing that I am going to require is effort. Their attitude, their concentration, and their effort are the things that they can control. If they give me these things every time they show up, they will have a great experience.

    The best situation for all of us is for you to plan on handing these kids over to me and the assistant coaches when you drop them off, and plan on them being mine for the 2 or so hours that we have scheduled for a game, or the time that we have scheduled for the practice. I would like for these boys to have some responsibility for having their own water, not needing you to keep running to the concession

    stand, or having parents behind the dugout asking their son if they are thirsty, or hungry, or too hot, and I would appreciate if you would share this information with other invited guests...like grandparents. If there is an injury, obviously we will get you to help, but besides that, let's pretend that they are at work for a short amount of time and that you have been granted the pleasure of watching. I will have them at games early so we can get stretched and loosened up, and I will have a meeting with just the boys after the game. After the meeting, they are all yours again. As I am writing this, I sound like the little league Nazi, but I believe that this will make things easier for everyone involved.

    I truly believe that the family is the most important institution in the lives of these guys. With that being said, l think that the family events are much more important than the sports events. I just ask that you are considerate of the rest of the team and let the team manager, and myself know when you will miss, and to let us know as soon as possible. I know that there will be times when I am going to miss either for family reasons, for other commitments. If your son misses a game or a practice, it is not the end of the world, but there may be some sort of repercussion, just out of respect for the kids that put the effort into making it. The kind of repercussions could possibly be running, altered playing time, or position in the batting order.

    Speaking of batting order, I would like to address that right from the top as well seeing that next to playing time this is the second most complained about issue, or actually tied for second with position on the defensive field. Once again, I need you to know that I am trying to develop each boy individually, and I will give them a chance to learn and play any position that they are interested in. I also believe that this team will be competitive and when we get into situations where we are focusing on winning; like a tournament for example; we are going to put the boys in the position that will give the team the best opportunity. I will talk with the boys individually and have them tell me what their favorite position is and what other position

    they would like to learn about. As this season progresses, there is a chance that your son may be playing a position that they don't necessarily like, but I will need your support about their role on the team. I know that times have changed, but one of the greatest lessons that my father taught me was that my coach was always right...even when he was wrong. The principle is a great life lesson about how things really work. I hope that I will have enough humility to come to your son if I treated him wrong and apologize. Our culture has lost this respect for authority mostly because the kids hear the parents constantly complaining about the teachers and coaches of the child.

    I need all of you to know that we are most likely going to lose many games this year. The main reason is that we need to find out how we measure up with the local talent pool. The only way to do this is to play against some of the best teams. I am convinced that if the boys put their work in at home, and give me their best effort, that we will be able to play with just about any team. Time will tell. l also believe that there is enough local talent that we will not have to do a large amount of travel, if any. This may be disappointing for those of you who only play baseball and look forward to the out of town experiences, but I also know that this is a relief for the parents that have traveled throughout the US and Canada for hockey and soccer looking for better competition. In my experiences, we have traveled all over the Midwest and have found just as good competition right in our back yard. If this season goes well, we will entertain the idea of travel in the future.

    The boys will be required to show up ready to play every time they come to the field. Shirts tucked in, hats on straight, and pants not drooping down to their knees. There is not an excuse for lack of hustle on a baseball field. From the first step outside the dugout they will hustle. They will have a fast jog to their position, to the plate, and back to the bench when they make an out. We will run out every hit harder than any team we will play, and will learn how to always back up a play to help our teammates. Every single play, every player will be required to move to a spot. Players that do not hustle and run out balls will not play. The boys will catch on to this quickly. The game of baseball becomes very boring when players are not thinking about the next play and what they possibly could do to help the team. Players on the bench will not be messing around. I will constantly be talking with them about situations and what they would be doing if they were in a specific position, or if they were the batter. There is as much to learn on the bench as there is on the field if the boys want to learn. All of this will take some time for the boys to conform to.

    They are boys and I am not trying to take away from that, but I do believe that they can bear down and concentrate hard for just a little while during the games and practices.

    I know this works because this was how I was taught the game and how our parents acted in the stands. We started our little league team when I was 10 years old in a little suburb of Columbus, Ohio. We had a very disciplined coach that expected the same from us. We committed 8 summers to this man and we were rewarded for our efforts. I went to Michigan, one went to Duke, one to Miami of Florida, two went to North Carolina, one went to Central Florida, one went to Kent State, and most of the others played smaller division one or division two baseball. Four of us went on to play professionally. This was coming from a town where no one had ever been recruited by any colleges. I am not saying that this is what is

    going to happen to our boys, but what I do want you to see is that this system works. I know that right now you are asking yourself if this is what you want to get yourself into and I understand that for some of you it may not be the right fit. I also think that there is a great opportunity for these boys to grow together and learn some lessons that will go beyond their baseball experience. Let me know as soon as possible whether or not this is a commitment that you and your son want to make.

    Thanks,
    Mike Matheny 


    --
    Phil Ridley
    Drama Teacher & Theatre Director | High School & Middle School | American School of Dubai | PO Box 71188 | Dubai, UAE |
    T: +971 4 395 0005 extension 1467

    The mission of the American School of Dubai is to challenge and inspire each student to achieve their dreams and to become a passionate learner prepared to adapt and contribute in a rapidly changing world.


    Compassion  Excellence  Integrity  Respect  Responsibility


    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 3.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 07:08
    I am shocked by this! 

    Is your administration supporting you in this? How does your athletic department deal with similar situations? 

    I think the the bottom line is that they signed the handbook. They are just throwing a massive, and costl, tantrum. 

    Be frank in the meeting. This is how theatre goes. You cast the show as it needs to be cast, and that is the most gut-wrenching part of the job. It's no fun hurting feelings, but that's part of the deal. 

    Im sorry you have to deal with this drama! But it's just a massive waste of time and resources...keep that in mind.

    ------------------------------
    Rebecca Black
    Teacher/Director
    Wayland MI
    ------------------------------



  • 4.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 07:56
    Hi~
    You do not owe anyone an explanation for your casting. It sounds as if you are completely covered with rubrics...so there is documentation. 
    Just stand with your decision and know that you are ultimately teaching the kids that the person who is best for the role is the one cast.
    Parents and students should have absolutely no say in casting a show. This is clearly a situation of parents overstepping. I would say as little as possible and I cannot believe the school would allow you to meet with some lawyer about this. If you do sit down, have at least two people present with you...administrator and a union rep. 
    You can do this!
    Stay strong!
    Theatrically Yours, 
    Angie 


    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 5.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 08:00
    First, be confident that you have made the right decision for the right reasons. These parents might act from a place of emotion but you should react from a place of reason. Be sympathetic but firm that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances.

    Side note: does your union have its own attorney that can represent you in this meeting?  It does not seem important anyway because I assume that the principal will have your back but one never knows. I would be sure to sit down with the principal before hand and hash it out. If there is a union attorney I would be sure to include them in the meeting since the parents have included an attorney.

    I don't think you can be sued if you have acted within the bounds of your job description. So don't worry about that.

    It seems to me that your ducks are in a row. You have a published policy book. You used a committee of people cast your show. You have based your casting on the performance in the audition room.  Based on this parent and student reaction, surely you have already made the best casting decision.

    What do they want to get out of their action? To force you to recast the play? To get you fired? To get the play canceled? None of these things are going to happen so be the confident, competent professional you already are.

    Those are my two cents even they I bristle a little at the hive mind reference.

    --
    Mark A. Zimmerman
    Theatre Director,

    Akron School for the Arts
    Firestone High School
    470 Castle Blvd
    Akron, Ohio 44313

    330-761-3275

    FirestoneTheatre.com



    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 6.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 08:16
    It is so sad that you have to deal with this "unscripted drama" (the term we use at our school for such situations).  My first reaction and immediate thought for advice to share is this:  I hope that you are a member of your local association and can bring a union rep to the meeting to help represent YOU.   Even if all they do is observe and never say a word - you will have someone who is trained to participate/observe in these situations.  Particularly if there is any follow-up afterwards, it would be best to have them in the loop from the start.

    From what you have described, you have done MORE than your fair share of due diligence in casting. It was a group decision, clear policies and procedures in place, rubrics, etc.

    It can be hard to describe our process to others - and there are also correlations that I've seen from my sons' involvement in soccer.  Does a student make the JV or Varsity team?  Do they make the team, but not get a lot of playing time?  Sounds like this student "made JV" and wanted Varsity... but will still get plenty of "playing time" with the role he was assigned.

    Swim team was a lot easier to manage - the stopwatch removed a lot of the subjectivity of a "coach's assessment".  Who got the spot on a relay team?  Whoever touched the wall first when they did a swim-off.  Or had the better time on record.

    Theatre has elements of subjectivity, like the soccer analogy... but you have tried to publicize your expectations and share information in advance. That is what makes it so disappointing in scenarios like these when emotions and egos/upperclassmen get in the way.  

    My friend directed our musical last year for the first time last year, and his background is primarily elementary - and he remarked more than once that the high schoolers were still kids, just in bigger bodies.   I do wish you well - but please be sure to make sure that YOU are represented by someone else at the meeting also, if possible.
    Missy


    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 7.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 08:42
    You went above and beyond with the signed handbook and the casting panel and you have nothing to apologize for. I hope your admin is behind you and recognizes all the steps you take to keep things fair and open.

    ------------------------------
    Ken Buswell
    Drama Teacher
    Peachtree City, GA
    http://mcintoshtheater.org/

    Theater kills ignorance
    ------------------------------



  • 8.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 08:59
    I’m so sorry this is happening. I have never had an attorney contacted or had a meeting with the principal but I have had occasions at this school & my last school where someone felt I showed unfairness to their “talented” darling, and tried to make it personal through nasty emails.

    Since we use a “rubric”, scoring/points, after auditions we rank them according to their points. Last year when this happened, a girl was ranked 26 out of 27. #18-27 were ensemble with no lines. I bumped her up to #18 so she was in a lot of scenes just no lines. After the 3rd nasty email on Christmas Eve, no less, I finally told the parent where she ranked, told her I had bumped her up & asked which kid she thought I should bump down so hers could have a speaking role, and again, “which role should I give her instead of to the kid who wS ranked 10 higher than hers”? That did the trick, so I suggest ranking them prior to the meeting and show who bumped up/down to fit a particular role. I often rank the roles in this way to compare before final casting to make sure I am not way off the mark. I don’t want my best student to be way down because they didn’t quite fit any of the roles, or someone way down on the list to bump too high over better actors. Once you hit the smaller roles, it doesn’t really matter much because often there is a a whole pool of kids ranked about the same so I try to give it to my upperclassmen or someone who I want to groom for the future. Best of luck! Let us know how it goes?

    Maria Stadtmueller
    Kendall Park, NJ

    Sent from my iPhone
    ____________________________________________________________
    Unbelievable German World War 2 Photo Shocks Americans
    pro.healthresponses.org
    http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL3141/5ba39960a1c7b19602f3ast03duc

    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 9.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 09:49
    You are doing everything right! Using rubrics, having a casting panel-- these are the necessary things that we use to make our subjective art form objective. I would question why they are allowed to bring an attorney to a parent/teacher meeting-- can't your principal refuse to allow that? And, if you are compelled to attend, could you bring union representation with you? Don't give up- your instincts and policies are sound, and pushy NJ parents can't take away your integrity. 


    ------------------------------
    Tom Lupfer
    Pascack Valley HS
    Hillsdale, NJ
    www.pvhstheatre.org
    ------------------------------



  • 10.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 09:53
    Hi Tallen,

    Fortunately, I never had to deal with your situation, but I have a few comments on it based on my experience. You've done way more formally and on paper than I ever did. I also was sole casting responsibility though I did take input from my production team (students all). I had a number of policies that guided my choices. I was very up front about them and stuck to them firmly. I think that negated most of the potential negatives from parents. I'm sure some of my choices stung, but no parent ever actually complained far less brought a lawyer into it.

    1. I rotate my leads. If you get a lead role in one show, you will not get one in the next. It's artistically and educationally important that you play a variety of roles and serve in a variety of positions in order to become a well rounded theatrical artist.
    2. All members of the company will work on some technical aspect of the production no matter what role you may have. (Well rounded.)
    3. Techies are encouraged to perform. (Well rounded.)
    4. Seniority is not considered in casting. (Underclassmen love this one. Seniors hate it.)
    5. What your parents do for the boosters is not considered in casting.
    6. If you have questions, talk to me after the casting. I'm happy to explain (as best I can) my choices. (I had one girl really dismayed that she got a non-speaking, walk on role - she really was very talented - and I explained that, in this particular production, I needed her looks more than her voice set against the lead performer. - Medea vs Creon's Daughter)
    7. Education is the joker in the deck. I am doing educational theatre, not Broadway. It is my responsibility to teach and develop well rounded theatre artists and sometimes that means that I am not just casting for the person best in the part, but for the chemistry of the ensemble as a whole, and to further the artistic growth of particular performers.
    8. Not a matter for casting, but I also generally required my Senior techs to serve as assistants to the up and comers. (This was also hated by the Senior techs, but they understood that their role in the Senior year was to make sure the younger folks were ready to take over.) - It's all about the education.

    Good luck with this and stand your ground. As others have said, you've done your work. You can explain it. Disappointment is a part of life and resilience is important. If the student has aspirations to college and professional life in the theatre, make sure you mention that he will be more often not cast than cast. I've watched a lot of young performers that were the lead in all their high school shows crack and drop out when confronted with that reality in college.

    Bob Smith​

    ------------------------------
    Robert Smith
    VA Co-Chapter Director
    Retired
    Centreville VA
    ------------------------------



  • 11.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 10:23
    Hi Tallen,
    I would urge you not to attend a meeting where a lawyer is present without first speaking to your union.  Lawyers are keyed to very specific language and it is easy with the best of intentions to talk yourself into a difficult situation.  I would hope that your principal would not put you in that position, but your union representation can discuss your rights and may offer representation during the meeting.  They will also have insight on what you should and likely should not say.  Sorry that you're experiencing this!
    Best,

    ------------------------------
    Bryce Cahn
    Theatre Arts Teacher
    Tompkins Square Middle School
    New York, NY
    ------------------------------



  • 12.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 10:45
    In my opinion, you have covered yourself in a multitude of ways. We did have one parent last year (one of our Parent Boosters, actually) who was very upset that her child, an eleventh who had gotten a lead in every show she had previously auditioned for, was put in the dance ensemble of "Into the Woods." She simply didn't fit in any of the parts, and her callback showed it. Mom was upset that a 10th grader had been cast as Little Red, the part that her daughter had coveted. She felt that there had always been a "tradition" of casting the upperclassmen. I corrected her and said that there was "consideration" taken for seniors WHEN ALL THINGS WERE EQUAL. In our situation, the girl who got the part was just head and shoulders above everyone who auditioned for it, included the 11th grader in question (who has a pretty, soprano voice with no belt). 

    As for bringing the attorney? I'd be interested into whether they actually show up. An angry parent threatening legal action about something that they feel hurt their child is not a new thing. Logically, what could an attorney even do when nothing was in writing, no verbal contract was made, and there is no school policy that covers this.

    You are being bullied, plain and simple. And what do we tell students who are being bullied? Stand your ground. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a reason to feel like they've actually scared you.

    ------------------------------
    Jodi Disario
    Director of Drama
    Willow Glen High School
    San Jose, CA
    ------------------------------



  • 13.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 10:51
    You seem to have all of your bases covered. You have evidence. Show it. I hope you also have admin support! 

    The biggest alarm for me is the lawyer. As others have said, DO NOT attend this meeting without equal representation on your side. I would hate for this to turn into a "legal" bullying session. Talk to your union reps!

    ------------------------------
    Kaila Schwartz
    Theatre Arts, Director
    Milpitas Unified School District
    San Jose CA
    ------------------------------



  • 14.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 12:10
    Again, I am sorry that you are dealing with the situation. I agree with most of the things that have already been said... especially Robert. I also handle my casting that way and announce it at the very beginning of cattle call. Everyone is aware that I will do what is best for the production and, while Seniors in their spring show will receive seniority for a part, that is only the case if multiple actors are equally capable of playing the part, have equal levels of auditions and would fit into the cast I am creating equally well. As you can imagine, that does not happen very often.

    Remember, if an attorney is actually present, cancel the meeting until the district counsel is also present. You don't want to be the  reason that the district or school is strong-armed (regardless of the fact that you are actually completely innocent of causing anything). The reality is that someone will end up being "blamed" if this becomes a legal issue or makes its way into the media. I would definitely speak to your admin ahead of time so that you are both on the same page about this.

    ------------------------------
    Shira Schwartz
    Chandler Unified School District
    Chandler AZ
    ------------------------------

    Original Message


  • 15.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 12:00

    Been there...done that as both a theatre director and administrator.


    Meet with your admin ASAP (pre-meeting) and lay out for them exactly what you just posted for us.  Bring with you your extensive handbook and explain the audition process to them.  Many administrators understand sports not theatre.  They will appreciate the heads up.


    Remind them if they agree with the parent and try to overturn your decision, they will then have every athletic parent who is isn't happy that their kid isn't starting or playing the right position in their office.


    Once in the meeting...listen, listen, listen...let them vent.  Say very little, stick to your handbook, emphasize that casting was done with a panel not just you.  Talk to them about the strengths that the kid brings to role assigned to him.  Remind them that you (and your panel) have to look at what will make the show the strongest for everyone involved.  Not for the perceived interest of any one individual.  Don't let them bait you.  Stay calm and polite.  If they threaten to pull the kid, say you would be disappointed but they have every right to make that decision as a family.  


    Let the admin be the one to say that your decision is final...they get paid for it. 


    Kurt Knoedelseder
    Theatre Director/Theatre Manager


    233 N. New Ballas Rd  |  St. Louis, MO 63141

    P (314) 567-3500, ext. 1297  |  W desmet.org

         1504814677839_PastedImage  1504814551129_PastedImage  1504814602122_PastedImage

     
    1504814712533_PastedImage  


    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 16.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-20-2018 12:52
    This is sad, unfortunate, and a bit insane. I (and I'm sure many of us) have dealt with this on some level. My advice is to say as little as possible. Let your paperwork do the talking. We work too hard to have to defend ourselves and our casting choices. One line I added to my Casting Contract a few years ago when a parent complained to my Head of School (even bringing him old videos of her child for him to watch), was "I understand that casting is at the sole discretion of the directors." Students sign this. When they have issues, I point to this. The directors decide the casting. Period.
    I hope the "somewhat silent" treatment works for you. Sometimes they just want to complain and be heard. As for the attorney, it seems like they're trying to scare you. There is no legal issue here. It's insane.
    Unfortunately sometimes what we teach and what the parents teach don't align. Hang in there - many other students (and parents) appreciate you and everything you do!
    Best wishes.


    ------Original Message------

    Hello Hive Mind, 

    I wish I was writing under different circumstances.  

    We recently held and cast for our fall production and have already begun rehearsals.  
    After casting was posted, parents of one of my students emailed the principal, a private attourney outside of school, myself and other district admin claiming that their son was not given the lead beacuse of a dislike I harbor for him, and that he was promised this lead role, and have requested a meeting, which is happening on Friday morning.  

    First, their child is talented in his own right.  However, he did not have a successful audition for the role in questioned, all four of the audition panelists were in agreement and we used a rubric for each audition. We also record callbacks.  We did call him back for several other roles to see how he might fit in the production and he earned a secondary lead.  He has been in each production (fall drama, musical, and student one acts) since he has been in our school, he is currently a junior.  
    To address the "promised" portion of their email - the student in question approached me last spring when we announced the show and told me how excited he was and he wanted this particular lead.  I told him that would be great but you must prepare for the auditions.  In fact his father approached me after our one act festivals to talk about the upcoming fall show, and he also said it would be so nice, and I said the exact same thing to him, that his son must prepare for the auditions.  At no time was a role promised.  Our shows are open to all students at the high school - they are not specifically reserved for upperclassmen.  And at times an underclassmen will perform better at an audition and earn a role over another student.  (the email also complains about the role being given to a freshmen.)  
    And to address the "not liking" portion - it just simply isn't true.  Again he has been cast in some type of role for the past three years in each production.  But the parents do not see it that way, because the student has told them I do not like him, because he isn't getting "the lead roles." 

    We have an extensive handbook that deals with all of these things, auditions, how to prepare, casting, questioning of casting decisions, how we handle talking about roles that were earned and who we will and will not speak to regarding this.  The students and parents sign off on this.  In this instance however the parents have completely disregarded the handbook and have gone above my head.  

    More than anything, I am sad.  This seems like a blatant attempt to bully me into giving him a lead role that he did not earn through his audition, and to bully me into future casting of this student.  Why else would the attourney be coming to this meeting?  I'm sad for my program, because I will not allow it to be undermined, we have worked so hard to make this a program that reflects our diverse student body, one that gives students chances, rewards them for earning parts through their hard work.  We dot our I's and cross our T's to protect the integrity of the program and I know you can't please everyone, but this just seems completley unfair to everyone else who brought their A game to the auditions and earned roles.  

    Well Hive Mind --- any advice?  


    ------------------------------
    Tallen Olsen
    Drama & Musical Director
    East Windsor Regional School District, Hightstown High School
    Mount Holly NJ
    ------------------------------


  • 17.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-21-2018 08:12
    I did not see your original post as I was dealing with my own "audition and casting" drama. I cast a sophomore girl for the sister of Anne Frank, but because her dream role was Anne, she won't accept the role.  Here is what is so alarming - both of the students involved (mine and yours) got a role, a GOOD role. This is just insane that getting a major role IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!

    By the way, I never got to play my dream role, and I survived. Why do these students think it is their right to get roles just because they want them?

    I am lucky in that my angry parent resorted to FB to rant.  It is awful, because she is accusing me of pre casting, etc. But she has not taken any other action, and even though her daughter wanted to quit the show, I believe that may have been resolved.  At least in my case there are mental health issues in both the student and the mother, so that helps explain the reaction. 

    I am dismayed that your parents are taking this disappointment so far. How will their son ever have a chance to grow up and face future disappointments in life, if they do not allow him to experience them now? There was an excellent article about these types of parents in We Are Teachers website: Lawnmower Parents Are the New Helicopter Parents & We Are Not Here for It
    WeAreTeachers remove preview
    Lawnmower Parents Are the New Helicopter Parents & We Are Not Here for It
    Recently, I was called down to the main office in the middle of my planning period. I needed to pick up an item that a parent dropped off for their child. Thinking it was something like an inhaler or money for dinner, I was happy to go retrieve it.
    View this on WeAreTeachers >

    I pray that you listen to the excellent advice given, especially with a lawyer attending ( for a junior in high school, who WAS cast in a good role in his school play!!!). Stand your ground, because you have another year with these people, and the rest of the group is watching. The principal needs to back you, or else parents will be allowed to tell ALL coaches how to run their programs.


    ------------------------------
    Valerie Farschman, Drama Director
    MLS Theatre Company, Troupe 1422
    Marion L Steele High School
    Amherst, Ohio
    ------------------------------



  • 18.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-24-2018 00:09
    I think other teachers have answered you quite thoroughly, but I would add that you probably shouldn't talk unless asked a question in the meeting.  Present your audition evidence materials when asked.  You know you are in the right.  Don't go out of your way to justify it or sooth the student's feelings, as they may use what you say against you.  

    This student will be totally unprepared for auditions for college, since his parents have set such unrealistic goals for him.  I hope, if nothing else, this will be a wake-up call for the student.


    ------------------------------
    C. J. Breland
    Asheville High School
    Asheville NC
    ------------------------------

    Original Message


  • 19.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-22-2018 09:54

    I'm sorry to say this is becoming more common over the past years.  And I have had this happen a few times.  Not to the degree of having an attorney involved but that part is just an intimidation factor.  

    I can think of 4 different times over the past 2 years this has happened.  I never second guess myself on my decisions when there is a "complaint" such as this.  Because it will taint my future decisions having that in the back of my mind.  

    I keep a very open line of communication with both our school principal and our superintendent.  They are always happy with our shows.  And even when there is a minor issue with a parent threatening to take it to the administration, I make sure I email them both just so they're not blindsided if they are contacted.  Most of the time it never gets to them because I confidently tell the parents to "do what you feel you need to do but it won't change the outcome".  

    I had to address the "not liking" a student last year.  The mother (who was active in our booster club) and father (who I had never met) requested a meeting.  After the mother read the long written statement to me regarding how I don't like her daughter and don't give her fair chances and everything else she had on her mind, I asked her for an actual example to back up her statement.  She had none other than her daughter not getting the part she wanted.  So I reexplained everything in our handbook and how auditions and selections work.  The irony here is her daughter had a lead in the previous show and I was accused of favoritism by other parents because of her mother being active in boosters.  Which I pointed out to her and explained how perception changes when you're not happy with a decision.  

    We just held auditions for our fall show.  50 people auditioned for 14 roles.  There's always fallout.  I think I've just been dealing with it for so long I have replies for any accusation already prepared.  

    The attorney being involved is absurd and he should be ashamed for even taking on something like this.  I'd love to see how there would be a legal way to prove a "wrong" decision was made about something subjective such as casting a part.  To think about this in any of form of the arts puts in in perspective.  Hiring an attorney because you didn't receive a Grammy for your song, or didn't receive an Oscar for your performance.  There are way too many variables to have to prove you did something wrong.  Which you didn't.  

    Sorry for the long reply but this just gets me going everytime it happens.  The trend of parents teaching their children to either protest, quit, or obtain a lawyer if something doesn't go their way is becoming too commonplace.  

    As for people not happy with their roles, I always say this.  "You were cast in the role for a specific reason.  In some cases it's because you are the only one able to perform that role as we need it performed.  In other cases you showed the most promise in that role during the audition and with some direction you will be a perfect "name of character" by opening night.  Trust the process."  And the last thing I tell the students when they're disgruntled is this: "I didn't go out there looking looking for you.  You came here looking to be a part of the show.  There are many other students looking to be in the show.  Use your best judgement when you decide what decision you're going to make as it will effect your future auditions."  Obviously spoiled children who prove they are more concerned with themselves than the production will continue to be a problem in the future.  

    I know there is no magic reply.  But I hope some of this helps. I have many more examples but I'm not going to bore you with them.  

    Good luck with everything.  



    ------------------------------
    Chuck Yarmey
    Advisor/Technical Director
    Wyoming Area Drama Club
    Thespian Troupe 4795
    Exeter PA
    ------------------------------



  • 20.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-23-2018 11:05
    I too have been subjected to this sort of parental "bullying" and misperceptions of favoritism in casting. There is seldom an easy response or solution when a parent has decided that their child has been treated unfairly.

    To the statement of  "not liking the student",  again this all about perception. I tell my students that while casting essentially comes down to what happens in the audition room/call back audition room, in truth they are auditioning everyday. If a student is difficult in class,  often tardy or absent, missing assignments, uncooperative in class group projects, all of that may also figure into decisions of casting regardless of talent or my personal feelings.  Things like that simply feed into my consciousness of whether a student will work well, set good examples, exhibit proper rehearsal commitment and etiquette.  If you are a student in good standing AND well prepared, AND do well at the call back, well.... That being said, sometimes even a student who is behaviorally difficult, may be the best for the role and their commitment to  a show may be where they have the opportunity to work on social/emotional and behavioral issues.  That is my call as an educator to determine whether they have the mindset to reverse or work on areas where they are deficit.

    Parents talk behind our backs all the time, ( fed by their child's complaints more often than not).  There is no stopping it. And yet, if  our shows are successful and well received,  I often get "you know you cast so well, you really know what you're doing"   even from the most blatant nay-sayers among students and parents. Disappointment is tough to deal with,  but generally blows over in time.

    I have often threatened to change our casting procedure  by inviting any or al prents to sit in on the process. They must be be their all 3 days ( 9ish hours)  both preliminary auditions and all the callbacks. Then I will put them all in a room and they can decide the cast , and they may not leave the room until the cast list is decided by a majority of the parents.  Most of them relent when given this option.

    I also  use a  simple grid to discuss students, and casting.   STRONG WORK ETHIC/TALENTED      STRONG WORK ETHIC/NOT TALENTED    POOR WORK ETHIC/TALENTED     POOR WORK ETHIC/NOT TAENTED.   The word "talented" of course is subjective and needs some clarification,  but I tell them that only one of the categories  results in not being cast, because the other three all have at least one component that could potentially develop and improve.

    And YES  we are allowed to cast students we have worked with before because they have proven their collaborative and creative and work ethics to me before. Why would I not want to work with them again

    Scott Keys, Chair/Teacher/Director
    Booker High School
    Sarasota FL
    VPA Theatre




    ------Original Message------

    I'm sorry to say this is becoming more common over the past years.  And I have had this happen a few times.  Not to the degree of having an attorney involved but that part is just an intimidation factor.  

    I can think of 4 different times over the past 2 years this has happened.  I never second guess myself on my decisions when there is a "complaint" such as this.  Because it will taint my future decisions having that in the back of my mind.  

    I keep a very open line of communication with both our school principal and our superintendent.  They are always happy with our shows.  And even when there is a minor issue with a parent threatening to take it to the administration, I make sure I email them both just so they're not blindsided if they are contacted.  Most of the time it never gets to them because I confidently tell the parents to "do what you feel you need to do but it won't change the outcome".  

    I had to address the "not liking" a student last year.  The mother (who was active in our booster club) and father (who I had never met) requested a meeting.  After the mother read the long written statement to me regarding how I don't like her daughter and don't give her fair chances and everything else she had on her mind, I asked her for an actual example to back up her statement.  She had none other than her daughter not getting the part she wanted.  So I reexplained everything in our handbook and how auditions and selections work.  The irony here is her daughter had a lead in the previous show and I was accused of favoritism by other parents because of her mother being active in boosters.  Which I pointed out to her and explained how perception changes when you're not happy with a decision.  

    We just held auditions for our fall show.  50 people auditioned for 14 roles.  There's always fallout.  I think I've just been dealing with it for so long I have replies for any accusation already prepared.  

    The attorney being involved is absurd and he should be ashamed for even taking on something like this.  I'd love to see how there would be a legal way to prove a "wrong" decision was made about something subjective such as casting a part.  To think about this in any of form of the arts puts in in perspective.  Hiring an attorney because you didn't receive a Grammy for your song, or didn't receive an Oscar for your performance.  There are way too many variables to have to prove you did something wrong.  Which you didn't.  

    Sorry for the long reply but this just gets me going everytime it happens.  The trend of parents teaching their children to either protest, quit, or obtain a lawyer if something doesn't go their way is becoming too commonplace.  

    As for people not happy with their roles, I always say this.  "You were cast in the role for a specific reason.  In some cases it's because you are the only one able to perform that role as we need it performed.  In other cases you showed the most promise in that role during the audition and with some direction you will be a perfect "name of character" by opening night.  Trust the process."  And the last thing I tell the students when they're disgruntled is this: "I didn't go out there looking looking for you.  You came here looking to be a part of the show.  There are many other students looking to be in the show.  Use your best judgement when you decide what decision you're going to make as it will effect your future auditions."  Obviously spoiled children who prove they are more concerned with themselves than the production will continue to be a problem in the future.  

    I know there is no magic reply.  But I hope some of this helps. I have many more examples but I'm not going to bore you with them.  

    Good luck with everything.  



    ------------------------------
    Chuck Yarmey
    Advisor/Technical Director
    Wyoming Area Drama Club
    Thespian Troupe 4795
    Exeter PA
    ------------------------------


  • 21.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-23-2018 06:21
    I started using an audition/permission form that is designed to inform and remind the students AND the parents about the element of chance involved in the audition process. The requirement is that the form must be signed by the student and the parent in advance in order for the student to be eligible for auditions. It doesn't take care of all issues, but it has really cut down on a lot of whining and complaints. Plus, I can always refer to the fact that they signed the form which implies they understood the potential of either not being cast or not getting a role their liking. Good luck!

    ------------------------------
    Garry Tiller
    Theatre Arts Teaching Artist
    Sidwell Friends
    Washington, DC
    ------------------------------



  • 22.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-24-2018 02:13

    So sorry this has happened, Tallen. First off, let's be clear: this is completely nuts. I hope it goes away quickly. You've gotten lots of excellent advice here on the board about how to proceed.

    Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that the parents are doing a terrible disservice to their kid. Anyone with any idea of working as an actor or in the performing arts in general had better develop excellent coping skills--failure and disappointment are everyday realities in this business, and someone who doesn't learn how to deal with them early on is going to be headed for a terrible crash later.

    Hang in there.

    Cheers,
    Jonathan



    ------------------------------
    Jonathan Dorf
    Playwright/ Co-founder of YouthPLAYS/ Co-chair of The Alliance Of Los Angeles Playwrights
    Los Angeles CA
    ------------------------------



  • 23.  RE: Dealing with Difficult Parents

    Posted 09-24-2018 23:36
    I am so sorry that this has gone so far. Parents can be the hardest part of our jobs for sure. I have had this issue in the past but luckily it didn't go any farther than a stern discussion with my co-director and a sulking kid in rehearsals.  

    If you are willing to share, I know this Hive Mind would love an update on how the meeting went (if it happened last week).  Theatre teachers everywhere support you, for whatever it helps.

    ------------------------------
    Dee Norman
    American School of Dubai
    MS Drama
    dnorman@asdubai.org
    ------------------------------



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